Tag Archives: X-factor

Condoms and Students


George Soros Condom

George Soros, “Le Roi” of  Hedge Fund managers and currency speculator-in-chief has bought 5% of  The Female Health Company. Is he planning to screw someone? Is Mary Ann Leeper looking over her shoulder? Remember when  George Soros screwed the British Pound in 1992 and forced Sterling to exit from the European Exchange Rate Mechanism?  He trousered a cool £1 billion from that deal.What’s he up to?


This is the way it works. Max Clifford calls his chums at the Daily Mirror on Tuesday and gives them a story: ” Louis and Cheryl fall out”, ” Cheryl and Simon fall out”, “Danni not speaking to Louis”. You know the sort of thing – and there are many permutations.

On Wednesday, it is all  printed on Page 5  by which time Max has called again with another “story”:  “Wagner kicks the crap out of _______” , ” Cher is a pikey”, ” Wassail girl becomes unglued” etc.  That sorts out Thursday’s Page 5.

Strangely enough though, by Saturday night, when we’re all gathered around our screens, everything looks quite stable.

We love it!

Well done , Max.

The Enlightened Catholic

Archbishop Andre-Joseph Leonard who is the head of all Catholics in Belgium has said that HIV is justice for the “travesty of homosexuality”.

People like the Belgian Archbishop and all of the other ordained men in pretty dresses are also a travesty.  They are a travesty of human decency.

Perhaps he should keep busy by concentrating on dissuading his staff from screwing young boys. Now THAT’S a travesty.

University rip-off?

These days, when you go to University, it is not just the tuition fees that you are spending money on and sometimes, life can be hard.  From 2012, it could become a financial nightmare whose repercussions could result in some pretty extreme social engineering. Among other things, the new rules could generate a disincentive to work, a “brain-drain” and they could even affect  first-time buyers in the housing market.

For three years, you will for pay rent at £100 per  week, that’s a total of about £10,000. Food, drink and Entertainment? Let’s add £5000 per year, which is about  £15,000. If your University is charging £9000 per year for tuition, you’ll borrow £27,000.

Add that lot up and you have a total spend of over £50,000.

Then remember that to compete properly in the job market you need a decent degree because nowadays, it seems that everyone with a double-digit IQ has a degree.  So, the question is, are you confident that you are both clever, committed and ready to work hard enough to achieve a decent degree?

Do you want to go to a lower-tier university where third-rate students are taught by second-rate lecturers?

Or are you willing to risk £50 grand?

( I should point out that I attended university when there were no fees and only clever people went.  There were no degrees in Equine Psychology, David Beckham Studies or any of the other vacuous pseudo-vocational qualifications which are currently being dished up by former Polytechnics).

You should also be aware that if, at the age of say 25, you find yourself sitting (or kneeling)(or worse) before a bank manager and you ask for a mortgage, a debt such as the one you are likely to be burdened with will automatically screw your chances of a mortgage.

Purely for comparison purposes, I can tell you that I know people  who charge less than $5000 to write a PhD dissertation – and that includes coaching.

Final thought: We live in a market- driven economy. Are we going to be subjected to the unedifying spectacle of universities competing on fees.

“Oxford will charge you £9k but we can do it for just over £3k and we’ll throw in some Air Miles.”

It could happen.

Stacey Rat

It has taken many weeks for some of us to figure this one out.  The “lightbulb moment” arrived near the beginning of last night’s X-Factor.


Stacey Solomon was wearing a hat and it was the hat which made it all so obvious. It then became totally clear when Dermot interviewed her after the first song. She sounds (and looks) like Roland Rat’s sister! It’s uncanny.

The head-shaking, the teeth, the accent and the way she manages to make whole sentences sound like long words.  Good luck tonight Stacey Fans!


X-factor Stung

His Stingness

Sting has not been invited to perform on X-factor, so he has spoken because he doesn’t approve of the programme, although he obviously watches.

He said “I am sorry but none of those kids are going to go anywhere, and I say that sadly.”

Sting should know what he is talking about – after all, he has notched up 11 Grammys, two Brits, a Golden Globe, an Emmy and three Oscar nominations.

The ageing rocker demonstrated more insight with the observation that contestants are  “humiliated when they get sent off”.  He added: “How appalling for a young person to feel that rejection. It is a soap opera which has nothing to do with music.  In fact, it has put music back decades. Television is very cynical.”

 He also felt that the programme encourages the  participants to “conform to stereotypes, “  and that “They are either Mariah Carey or Whitney Houston or Boyzone and are not encouraged to create any real unique signature or fingerprint. “

“That cannot come from TV. The X Factor is a preposterous show and you have judges who have no recognisable talent apart from self-promotion, advising them what to wear and how to look. It is appalling.” 

He went on is real crumbly popster style: “The real shop floor for musical talent is pubs and clubs, that is where the original work is. But they are being closed down on a daily basis. It is impossible to put an act on in a pub. The music industry has been hugely important to England, bringing in millions. If anyone thinks the X Factor is going to do that, they are wrong.”

Sting forgets that it is the pubs and clubs that killed originality and created the wannabee Mariahs and Whitneys through the medium of Karaoke.

A spokesperson for the X Factor declined to comment. 

Sting enjoys a very successful solo career but his early success came over thirty years ago with popular beat combo The Police.

Sting is also famous for Tantric sex and has claimed that he can have continuous sex for up to nine hours.

There’s nothing new in that – we’ve all slept with a woofer after necking too much alcohol.