Tag Archives: Stephen FRy

“Fryflounce” – a new word

His Excellency, St Stephen of Fry, the media’s Gay Mafia Ambassador has once again flounced and left his 1.9 million star-struck Twitter admirers staring into the abyss of a future without His Excellency’s oh-so-clever musings and self-obsessive bollocks.

It seems that gay is the new black. There was a time when racist abuse was the unforgivable social sin – now, if you’re at all disrespectful of a prancing poofter, you are well and truly in the shit. (!) Oops!

So who is Fry? There are those who say that this self-important oaf is clever. Pause and think – what is he clever at? What is his forte – apart from pseudo-erudite jive-talk? He is the ultimate media “jack-of-all-trades”, the poor man’s Peter Ustinov and as Julie Burchill once said, “the thicko’s idea a clever person”.

He “amuses” the prince of Wales at Highgrove suppers. Wow! A modern jester whose motley is more Emperor’s New Clothes than substance.

He is obviously damaged because what he craves more than anything is approval. Approval and esteem in the eyes of others are his “raisons dêtre“. His carefully contrived, constructed and regurgitated little homilies which appear both in his speech and in his Tweets are only modern in the sense that they are disposable. Most owe more to J.I. Rodale (look it up) than they do to spontaneity.

Because he’s a “celebrity”, an Attitude Magazine hack asked him for his views on sex (what else do you ask someone who is known for having as much sex as His Excellency?). Unfortunately, Stephen must have imagined that he was sitting at HRH’s dinner table with the port on its third lap because he went on and on…and on and talked bollocks. That was followed be even more bollocks.

It was then reported verbatim but according to the man himself, it was “out-of-context”. Yawn. Apparently, he was being “humorous”.

During the interview, he imagined that if women liked sex as much as men, there would be straight cruising areas – just as there are gay ones.

Reality check for the (largely) celibate one: WTF do you think that pubs, clubs, am-dram societies and “working late” are for? Admittedly, it’s not quite as exciting as entering a public lavatory and sticking your knob through a hole in the wall but we sad heterosexuals manage to put up with the comparative warmth and comfort.

Skulking around in park bushes may be “cruising” to some but most of us “straights” prefer  central heating.

Fry’s last (I won’t say final) Twitter message reads: “Bye Bye”. It was delivered via his iPhone at 1.27 p.m. on 31st October.His Bio reads “No longer in service”.

Just wait. The Deluded One will be back “by popular demand”. Yeah, right. Popular.

Admittedly, he has many followers who believe that by following the Sainted St Stephen, they will appear clever-by-association or through some process of Tweetosmosis. Forget it guys. You’re encouraging Stephen to confuse popularity with our collective worship of celeb-fatuousness – especially when it’s sprinkled with Fry Fairy Dust.

Finally, this is one gay dude who belongs to that media group of batty boys who believe that being gay is not just a vaginophobic lifestyle choice for those saddos who found girls difficult to talk-to before they became officially gay. He is one of the gang which truly thinks that gayness (didn’t it used to be gaiety) is an endowment or gift.

It isn’t.

So, the next time a hack from a downmarket magazine asks you about your views on sexuality and sex – butt out.

Those damned rules!

Elliot Morley MP did not “made a mistake” when he fraudulently claimed £800 per month for a non-existent mortgage. Likewise,  Andrew MacKay MP and his wife and fellow MP, Julie Kirkbride knew exactly what they were doing when they were claiming for two “second homes”. Two Labour Lords have allegedly been exposed as a couple of crooks who were willing to take cash in exchange for altering Laws. Again, these were not mistakes.

The “It was within the Rules” mantra is no longer being trotted out because MPs have realised that Rules express no moral or ethical responsibilities. Chequebooks are being waved about, yet only just over £100,000 has been pledged by increasingly panicked MPs who are not promising the return of cash through any sense of “right-and wrong” because it’s far too late for that.  They ignored the concept of right and wrong and because they have been caught with their closed hands in the till, their self-preservation instinct has kicked-in.

Andrew MacKay has fallen on his sword in order to  save his wife’s career because his has peaked. She should now be nailed as “accessory” and also asked to resign.

That bug-eyed louche, professional Mr Clever-pants, Peter Ustinov wannabe and Royal butt-kisser Stephen Fry has offered an opinion and believes that it is all a storm-in-a-teacup and that “we’ve all done it”. No we haven’t Stephen. Mind you, Stephen’s been banged up for naughtiness so his judgement will always be suspect and hopefully he has learned a good lesson. Never talk to a reporter when you are pissed. At best, you end up sounding like a know-all uber-opinionated cab driver. At worst, an ersatz upper-class prat.

By the end of this week, it will be the end of the beginning for our naughty MP chums  but also the beginning of the end for Gorbals Mick (Mr Speaker) and Gordon Brown, the er…Prime Minister.

Brown is currently swaying from foot to foot wondering what to do . We have established that his decision-making is on the dodgy side and that he manages through the joint media of the “enquiry” (Macro Management) and the thrown mobile phone and shouting (Day-to-day or Micro Management). He has probably already exhausted his entire repertoire on this one.

David Cameron has managed to overtake Gordon and will hit the first corner well in the lead because he has made a decision and ordered his MPs to get their chequebooks out and start reimbursing the Public Purse. Gesture Politics at their finest!  He too has a surprise coming because this is not about money any more, it is about the authority of our Parliament. Had the Party Leaders managed their troops effectively and had the grand chequebook gesture happened say a year ago the matter would, by now, be at the “tidying-up” stage. Instead we have what looks like a badly-written Crisis Management case study underpinned by empty words and blind panic.

Meanwhile, whilst Cameron is temporarily cooling-off in the calming breeze of two hundred fluttering chequebooks, Gordon does what he knows. He looks in the direction of an enquiry. Any enquiry. The ideal enquiry for him would be a “Please make it go away, Mummy” type.

Meanwhile The Speaker of the House, scarlet jowls quivering as the berates the most upstanding  (and innocent) MPs and sees everything that flies in his direction as a personal threat, also does what he does best. He fails to understand the gravity of the crisis.

Make no mistake, the Speaker and Prime Minister are now standing shoulder-to-shoulder on the trapdoor and there will be a massive fight as all hands attempt to pull that lever.

The next stage (hopefully) will be in the hands of the Police and the Inland Revenue.


Twitter to who?


Here in the UK, the gossip website Twitter.com has suddenly taken off like a rocket , all because of  last week’s discussion  between His Holiness Stephen Fry and the potty-mouthed Jonathan (call me Ranker) Ross.
Inevitably, Twitter has the usual itinerant population of Hypnotists, Holistic Healers, Motivational Speakers and “How would you like to make $3500 per day” merchants but it is so much fun.
The idea is very simple – you register and put down your thoughts and deeds as often as you like – as long as each entry is no longer than 140 characters.  A sort of electronic Haiku.  You can also “follow” others’ entries and you can allow as many people as you want to follow your musings.
Currently, Stephen is undoubtedly UK’s  “Mr Twitter” as he has over 100,000 followers (or should I say disciples?).
So what exactly is it for?

In the beginning there was email but originally, that involved sentences, grammar , punctuation and all that old-fashioned stuff. All that superfluous fluff was soon removed and for good measure, vowels were also rmvd. Thus the text message was born. All in the name of as little effort as possible.
A few years ago, the Blog was invented. A Blog is  a personal website where you can write anything you want, in the hope that others read it, but there is a catch. Paragraphs, punctuation, spelling  and all that jazz are again the order of the day. If you want to look like a writer, apparently you need all that formal stuff. There along came Twitter – a shorthand blog.  Most of us can  write something  in 140 letters and spaces – so Twitter is a great leveller.

Those with the brain of an isopod may fashion to appear as clever as the eruditiously tumid St. Stephen of Fry.
Twitter.com is the 21st century version of Vanity Publishing and has all the characteristics of being of its time. It is quick, shallow and disposable – but luscious.
There some very famous individuals sharing their thoughts and deeds – for instance , we all knew by early this morning that “Schofe” was snowed-in and would not be appearing on This Morning and  St. Stephen was in the recording studio. Mundane? Yes.
Definitely a case of the  Bland reading the Bland. But wait…………
This morning, I was informed by email that a very well-known person was “following” me. I must admit to a slight “frisson” and am currently trying to compose something  very learned and witty – all within the constraints of 140 characters.  Hmm……………