Tag Archives: Philosophy

Darling – listen to what I mean, not what I say.


We know what Alistair Darling said but do we really know what he meant? What was the subtext? Let’s try and sort out any misunderstandings and misinterpretations.

Last week, according to the Chancellor, the British economy was going down the toilet and the public was “pissed off” with the Government.

YESTERDAY he said that the “fundamentals” of the economy remained strong.

So what were his motives? He must have known that he would come in for the mummy and daddy of all bastings by the media and his Cabinet chums. Dave Cameron and his hooray happy slapper mates think that Christmas has come early and if they’re thrown any more Labour screw-ups, they are in danger of sensory overload.

Not one commentator has spotted Mr Darling’s motives for his outburst to the Guardian.

Whether he’d had a glass too many of (courtesy of the Guardian) Glencrap, whether he was feeling naughty  or whether he thought that he would piss on Gordon Brown’s strawberries just for the hell of it – none of that matters.

We suspect that there may have been a touch of  “In Vino Veritas” but that does not matter either.

This former Edinburgh councillor and small-time Solicitor who for some miraculous reason is running our economy is (and looks) stressed beyond limits.

Another case of a politician being promoted above his level of incompetence?  Or one who has just looked up “fall guy” in his Thesaurus.

What he would like more than anything is for Gordon Brown to put him out of his misery and replace him with David Milliband.

Darling’s own personal “end of term” will come in mid-October when Brown yet again rearranges the deckchairs on the sinking SS New Labour. (You started it, Prescott).

Darling’s outburst to the Guardian is a transparently conscious provocation and New Labour should be prepared for more. To continue the nautical metaphor : in Brown’s eyes, Darling has now become the shit deserting the sinking rats.

Do you remember Geoffrey Howe’s devastating attack on Margaret Thatcher during his 1990 resignation speech. Darling obviously decided to dictate his suicide note to the Guardian rather than make a speech.

He and Howe are both examples of “Yes” man morphing into “Fuck you” man.

If Brown does not “redistribute” him in the next reshuffle, Darling will resign either for health reasons (good early-pension scam) or the more likely “I want to spend more time with my family”.

We have already had the “anti-gaffe” brigade attempting to water-down  and reinterpret Starling’s indiscretions but it’s too late.

Man the lifeboats!

And the Milliband played on.

Those little things…………………….


Carla: ” The most important thing in my life is a penis.”

Sarkozy: ” I think you will find that it is pronounced ‘happiness’

Carla: “I was talking about you.”

Sarkozy: “Espèce de salope.”

Carla: ” Connard.  Va te faire …………”

Sarkozy: ” C’est déjà fait.”

Carla: “Faccia di culo!”

Sarkozy: “Et ta soeur.”

Spygun loves the French and in tribute to the nation that still thinks that French is the world’s No 1 language, here are some well-known observations  about our little fromage-chomping surrender monkeys:

“France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes.”
Mark Twain

‘I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.’
General George S. Patton

‘Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.’
Norman Schwartzkopf

‘We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.’
Marge Simpson

‘As far as I’m concerned, war always means failure.’
Jacques Chirac, President of France

‘The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee.’
Regis Philbin

‘You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn’t have the face for it.’
John McCain , U.S. Senator from Arizona

‘The last time the French asked for ‘more proof’ it came marching into Paris under a German flag.’
David Letterman

‘Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada .’
Ted Nugent

‘War without France would be like …………. World War II.’

‘The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says ‘First Iraq, then France.”
Tom Brokaw

‘What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?’
Dennis Miller

‘It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us.’
Alan Kent

‘They’ve taken their own precautions against al-Qa’ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house.’
Argus Hamilton

‘Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day –the description was, ‘Never shot. Dropped once.”
Rep. Roy Blunt, MO

‘The French will only agree to go to war when we’ve proven we’ve found truffles in Iraq ‘
Dennis Miller

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m’sieur?

‘Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris ? It’s not known, it’s never been tried.’
Rep. R. Blount, MO

‘Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that’s because it was raining.’
John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv

The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney
(AP), Paris , March 5, 2003 The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris , caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.”   
and finally:

Never trust a nation that has a cock as its national emblem.” Spygun

Oil be damned!!

oil-tank.jpg“All species expand as much as resources allow and predators, parasites, and physical conditions permit. When a species is introduced into a new habitat with abundant resources that accumulated before its arrival, the population expands rapidly until all the resources are used up.”
– David Price, Energy and Human Evolution

Then they die.

It has been demonstrated on numerous occasions that all species suffer population collapse or species extinction if they overshoot and degrade the carrying capacityof their ecology.

For instance, in 1944, 29 reindeer were brought to St Matthew Island . Initially there were abundant food sources and the reindeer population increased dramatically. There were no predators to cull the population.

About 20 years after they were first introduced, the reindeer had overshot the food carrying capacity of the island, and there was a sudden, massive die-off.  About 99% of the reindeer died of starvation.

The human race has its own St Matthew Island – it is called Earth. We have no predators to keep our population is check, so we self-regulate in a very limited way by occasionally carrying out our own culls through the self-designed joint mediums of war and disease.

The reindeer on St Matthew Island ran out of food – and although we are also running out of food, it is oil and gas that we regard as our most precious resource. Just like the reindeer which died after munching their way through the very last bits of moss, we are about to pump and burn our way through the last droplet of oil and final whiff of gas .

The reindeer of St Matthew island will have ended their days scratching  at the earth looking for moss in places where they had never looked before. No doubt they would have found scraps which kept them going for another few days.

When a commodity has a high-enough value, it is worth looking for it in places where you possibly would not have bothered when there was lots of it available.



Two years ago, Ali Bakhtiari, a former senior adviser for the National Iranian Oil Company, said at a meeting of international Antarctic specialists in Hobart that pressure to drill in Antarctica could soon become irresistible – and  he was right.

“I hope it will not happen because that would create enormous difficulties, but when you have the enormous price increase that I can foresee governments and companies will want to find oil anywhere,” he said in 2006.

“There is now only one frontier province left and that is Antarctica,” he was quoted as saying by Australia’s national news agency AAP.

Bakhtiari predicted the world’s oil production rate would peak at 81 million barrels per day and decline to roughly 55 million barrels per day by 2020, pitching oil prices to “stratospheric levels“.

Even two years ago , he could not have foreseen the damage that a combination of supply (OPEC’s intransigence, Nigeria’s instability and America’s untidy foreign policy),  speculation (George Soros and his troupe of keyboard-bashing monkeys)  and demand (India, China),  could do to the current (2008) price of oil.

In 7 or 8 years about one-third of the world’s remaining oil supply will be gone and the “stratospheric” price of oil and gas will probably cause a world recession on such a scale as to endanger our lives. Hopefully that will signal the wake-up call that stops us all being so parochial and we develop a concept of cross-border responsibility which is not driven by charity and the West’s brand of one-sided economics, waste and ugly self-interest.

Seven countries have made territorial claims in Antarctica, but not all countries recognize these claims. No change there !

The 1961 Antarctic Treaty established the legal framework for the management of Antarctica and has 28 decision-making members, including the seven that claim portions of the continent. Imagine Antarctica as a large cake with seven  greedy schoolboys gathered round it – who will get the biggest piece?

The Magnificent Seven  are Argentina, Australia, Chile, France, New Zealand, Norway, and Britain.

The United States and Russia have reserved the right to make claims and the US does not recognize the claims of others. The playground bullies know that no-one will dare reach for a slice of cake until they have given permission!

Antarctica is protected from mineral exploration under the Madrid Protocol, which bans mining, but the prohibition can be changed at any time if all 28 signatory countries agree.

We can look forward to lots of countries sticking lots of flags  in the snow. That will be followed by lots of flags being kicked over and moved and more meetings.


Currently, it looks as if both the top and bottom of the earth are about to be plundered because an estimated 90 billion barrels of undiscovered but technically recoverable oil — three years of world consumption — lie north of the Arctic Circle, the U.S. Geological Survey reported this week.

While the oil, along with vast quantities of natural gas, will be extremely difficult to extract, the promise is enough to make the frozen north the new — and maybe last — frontier for world energy producers.

According to geology and probability, undiscovered oil and gas are thought to be present . If they’re further confirmed, they will become  reserves and (hopefully) some of OPEC’s smugness will fade.

Currently, the five nations that border the Arctic — the United States, Russia, Denmark, Canada and Norway — all have their eyes on what geologists say is about a quarter of the world’s undiscovered but technically recoverable oil, natural gas and natural gas liquids.

According to the new survey, the Arctic Alaskan Province, which includes offshore seabeds, has the greatest potential for undiscovered oil  – an estimated 30 billion barrels.

Mark Myers, the director of the U.S. Geological Survey, said he hoped that the new estimates would contribute to future energy decisions.

“Before we can make decisions about our future use of oil and gas and related decisions about protecting endangered species, native communities and the health of our planet, we need to know what’s out there,” he said in a statement. They always say stuff like that just before digging holes.

Look out elks and Inuits.

Geologist Donald Gautier, who led the study, added, In our judgment, the Arctic Alaska Province is the most obvious place to look for oil north of the Arctic Circle right now.”

While Arctic Alaska has the greatest undiscovered energy potential, other big stocks are thought to lie in the Amerasia Basin north of the two continents and also east of Greenland.

The West Siberian Basin contained the most undiscovered natural gas, with 651 trillion cubic feet, followed by the East Barents Basins, with 318 trillion cubic feet, and Arctic Alaska, with 221 trillion cubic feet.

The geological survey didn’t consider the cost of recovery, but will publish an economic analysis of likely costs next year, said Brenda Pierce, the coordinator of the agency’s Energy Resources Programme.

Energy companies have already identified more than 400 oil and gas fields north of the Arctic Circle. High energy prices and global warming are making the forbidding region more inviting than ever.

The next ten years-or-so will prove challenging.  There will be reports, commissions, meetings, summits, signatures and threats.

That will be followed by the USA declaring a “war on ice” and attempting to take what it needs.

China will then look up from its workbench, flex its muscles, crack its knuckles and then we’ll all find out if that bloke who predicted Armageddon was right.

Shagger Clegg – The new Main Man!

Type the words “shagger + parliament”  into Google and Steven Norris still appears – but for how much longer?

Nick “Shagger” Clegg has a certain  je ne sais quoi about it. The boy obviously liked to put it about a bit and good luck to him. He joins a long tradition of Parliamentary shaggers and I hope that “Shagger of the House”  becomes as respected and venerable as Father of the House and Speaker of the House. It ought not to be a title reserved purely for the more salacious gossip columns – it should be respected and celebrated.

The ultimate, I suppose ( although unlikely) will be to hold all three honours simultaneously.

That Specsavers-dodging orthodontist’s friend , Lembit Opik leapt to  Shagger Clegg’s defence.  He said ” You can be a human being and a Party Leader”.

Lembit, dear boy, being a Party Leader and human is only optional and not compulsory.

Did you not meet Margaret Thatcher? Even Shagger Major had a touch of C3PO about him.

Embryo or not embryo?

The old blokes in long frocks and funny hats have been making noises. Yes, it’s the Roman Catholic hierarchy again.

So when does the soul enter the cluster of cells? Is it when the sperm penetrates the egg wall? Does it sneak in through the puncture? Does it wait until the cells have divided once? Does the soul arrive after 24 weeks of development?

500 years ago, the church would have invented an answer. Unfortunately for them, the education of the masses has meant that they have to join a debate and because they have not had that much practice at rational thought, they are struggling to put together a decent argument.

Perhaps das Pope will come up with an answer.

Let’s assume for a moment that Big G does exist. He has given us the knowledge to tamper with life so He must agree with the scientists. Let’s go for it! Let’s find cures for all those nasty diseases.

The old “soul superstition” which somehow (according to the church) makes “Man” special has caused successive misguided and ignorant governments to allow very sick people to have their lives prolonged and experience an unacceptable level of suffering and pain.

The same superstition is stopping us from encouraging our scientists to find a cure.

Let us thank God and the men in frocks.

Jesus must be spinning in his grave. Sorry (oops!), I forgot. He was allowed to tamper with nature. Probably some sort of cell regeneration.

Office Politics 1

You may be asking yourself whether it is fair that in the corporate jungle, your considerable education, integrity, knowledge and skills can count for less than factors such as your appearance, the way you speak and your general political acumen. It is not fair. However, while you are up there in the sunshine, swinging through the green canopy of the corporate forest towards the big tree of superstardom, you are being overtaken by slimeballs in the undergrowth who are far less able that you – but who know all the shortcuts to the big tree. You want to get to the top? Big salary? Posh car? Personal assistant? HUGE office? Company charge card? All these things can be yours if you know what the rules are. It does not matter whether you have an Oxford double-first or whether you have a pass degree in Media Studies from the newly-created University of Craptown. You can be a winner. I am not telling you that you are playing on a level playing field (you’re NOT) – but I will show you where the shortcuts are. You were not born an office politician but you can learn. This is the part one of a series of posts which will show you how to shaft, slime, cheat, grovel and trick your way to the top. Never mind the high-fliers – you are taking the low road. Remember: Eagles may soar but weasels do not get sucked into jet engines.