Tag Archives: moron

Moron than I can say.

The average footballer has the brain of an isopod, the social graces of an Albanian peasant, the communication skills of a special needs student and the vocabulary of  a 13 year-old asbotic.

That could pose a problem for his manager. Luckily, most managers come from the same background so they can  communicate with their man by drooling, shouting and grunting  until  there is a glimmer, followed (eventually) by a mutual understanding.

If you listen  carefully to a radio or TV interview  with a footballer you will hear little vocabulary and an over-reliance on clichés which are short, easy to remember and can be mixed, matched and adapted. We al know the old ones : Parrot , Moon  and Backo the Net come to mind – they are the old ones. New ones are creeping in as well : ” I was on a steep learning curve” is quite popular nowadays.  How many footballers have seen a learning curve?

So  we can agree that communication is not their strong suit. Imagine then the difficulty that a foreigner would have in understanding  and gauging the level of thickness and lack of expressive skill that a British footballer enjoys.

When you are listening to someone speaking, you can tell within a couple of sentences whether you are dealing with a scholar or moron. However, when you listen to a foreigner whose language you do not understand, you have no idea whether you are listening to poetry or garbage. Or as a footballer might say: “Nancy woofter-boy stuff or fucking shit.”

Imagine the difficulty that say, a foreign non English-speaking football manager would have in deciding whether a particular footballer would make a good leader or captain. To his unattuned ear, the footballer may sound positively Churchillian  whereas to you and me, he may sound like a dim-witted, knuckle-dragging thicko ***.

But we must also remember that in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.

*** Sorry to bring the Tory front-bench into this.


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This is for all you chav fans.

Learn about these people because they will inherit the earth. Learn about their customs, clothes, recipes, language, habitat and culture.

Some regard them as a bit of a joke but it is only a matter of time before they will demand their own State and within two generations, they may begin to breed with humans.

The human/chav hybrid will have the brain of a human and the dress-sense and class of a chav. Let’s hope that it is not the other way round.