“He fuck my granddaughter so I fuck him and his friend. Pajeros! “
So Jonathan Ross told Andrew Sachs’ answerphone that Russell Brand fucked his granddaughter. So what?
The BBC has always had a bit of a po-faced attitude which took root in “the Beginning” – in (The)Lord Reid’s day. In those days, Christians did not fuck except to procreate and the Brits were still suffering from the post-Victorian sex hangover which regrettably still persists to this day.
The Brits are obsessed by sex, although the word “fuck” is still unacceptable – but only in certain contexts. Jonathan Ross can say “fuck” on television, although admittedly, there is exec-rationing of the word. Interestingly enough, people do not fuck on the radio – not even a bleep.
Georgina Baillie is a little-known member of a striptease act called Satanic Sluts and her stage name is “Voluptua”. One is not suggesting that she deserves any less respect than Mother Teresa but let’s face it – this is publicity Manna-from-heaven for the girl. Ask Max Clifford – and rest assured, he will be extracting maximum mileage from this one!
There have been many “Max-lovelies” who can only be adequately offended by appearing in a Sunday red-top with their tits out. Let’s wait and see!
Georgina’s father Charles has announced that Andrew Sachs is a “national treasure”. No he is not. He is a middle-of-the-road actor who (many years ago) created a very funny but racist interpretation of a thick Spanish waiter called Manuel.
In those days, it was perfectly acceptable to refer to black people as “Sambos”, Anne Bell showed her pubic hair on television, Ronnie Barker took the piss out of people with a stammer, and Ken Tynan said “fuck” for the first time. Happy days!
Nowadays, we have young men getting their knobs out on telly, young women showing their fannies and people regularly telling each other to “fuck off”.
The upshot is that we are all finding it more and more difficult to be properly offended although some of us do still play very hard at it.
Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand are a pair of damaged wankers but what sets them apart and makes them so lovable is their incredible fluency and unique use of modern English- although Russell covers his lack of education with strings of borrowed, pre-packaged and/or contrived “mots non-justes”. ( I hope that he’s not offended and of course, I apologise unreservedly).
We enjoy the fact that Russell’s world seems to be one long shag-fest and we’re all thinking “You lucky, lucky bastard.” We also know that Jonathan has modelled himself on American shock-jock Howard Stern and that he captures the psychological high-ground in most interviews with a crude reference or two. Let’s face it, he was hired by the BBC to be rude, crude and controversial and not to introduce Songs of Praise.
It’s horses for courses. For instance, you would never expect Huw Edwards to refer to his wife’s big tits but Jonathan can and does. We love him for it and again we think “You lucky bastard”.
The bandwagon is creaking as politicians jump on, there will be questions in the House but really folks, it was just a harmless prank. A storm in a D-cup.
“Manuel” Sachs has been quoted as saying that apologies belong to his granddaughter.
Congratulations would be far more appropriate, wouldn’t they Max?