“The (round) Jabulani ball”
The way that the World Cup is shaping up for England does not look too good. You know, the West Ham goalie with a ball-catching problem, a centre-forward who does not score goals, ITV presenter Adrian Chiles who has the air of a garage mechanic who’s waiting for the Samaritans to call back and thick football pundits who are in permanent cliché mode:
“It’s a big ask” ; “Watching Brazil play is just like watching Brazil play”; “Only just offside”; ” It’s their usual passing game.”; “Set their stall out”; “Clinical Finish”; “The referee was right on that occasion”; “Spirit of 1966″; ” He’s facing a fitness race”; “All credit to the lads; “Quality; “That’s what the World Cup is all about”; “At the end of the day”; ” The ball hits the back of the net” (Actually – it’s the front of the net. If it hits the back, it isn’t a goal! etc. etc.
Let’s hope that the pundits don’t run out of clichés half-way through the tournament – otherwise, we’ll be in real trouble.
I could lip-read Rooney referring to an American opponent as a “boundah and a popinjay” and on another occasion I’m sure that he said that their goalkeeper was “a thoroughly bad egg” and “not quite the sort”. However, it was amazing how he made each phrase look as if it started with the letter “F”! Now that’s real talent.
During interviews, Jamie Carragher still appears to be speaking Swahili.
So the new Jabulani ball is too round, is it? Robert Green, the England goalkeeper would probably benefit from a Velcro ball with corners and a couple of handles on it.
They say that he was so depressed after the USA game that he threw himself under a train. Unfortunately it went under him.
Lastly – the Vuvuzela , a plastic trumpet which plays B♭(admittedly not everyone’s favourite note) has come in for a bit of unnecessary criticism from both players and spectators. They have obviously forgotten the good old days of the wooden football rattles, which made the fillings in your teeth resonate and fall out by half-time.
During the England-USA game, I found the constant buzz of the Vuvuzela quite soothing. It helped me to sleep.
If the definition of a cliché is a word or phrase which has become stale though overuse, here are some racist examples which pundits and commentators use to stereotype: Germans- efficient; Latin Americans – temperamental; Black players – panther like; Asians- industrious; English – shite.
“They shall grow not old as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.”