Tag Archives: Guru

Morton’s Fork lives!


Post-Saddam-type chaos in Libya will NOT be avoided. That’s nigh-on impossible.

One of the overlooked plans of the Iraq campaign was the Exit Strategy. Well, bugger me, the West has done it again in Libya.

The next major initiative will be the customary “Humanitarian Assistance” which is as good an excuse as any to maintain a military presence to ensure that the fuzzy-wuzzies keep in line.

THAT is going to be the most impossible task. The average Libyan’s loyalties are like this: 1. Family 2. Tribe  3. State Flag…….. In that order.

NOTHING but a totalitarian state can keep tribal factions in line. Government by Brutality appears to be the only way to stop tribes from killing each other. Saddam demonstrated that in Iraq and every other  state in the Middle East continues to suppress its people – but for very valid reasons.

Democracy is an anathema to tribal people. It is an alien concept.

In Libya’s case, the theory is that a fiefdom which has controlled many tribes through the medium of suppression can be turned into a democracy. Politicians may not have yet noticed that such a thing has never been done. It’s been tried on many occasions but so far, without success.

The most likely outcome in Libya is either the emergence of another authoritarian leader or the breakup of a country which was a western construct in the first place. It is a politically barren place with no political parties or constitution.

Meanwhile, the rebels are heading for Gaddafi City – SIRTE. One hopes that they all remember that the Tahoura Research Centre near Tripoli houses (or housed) the remnants of Libya’s nuclear programme. There are stocks of nuclear material which could easily be turned into a “dirty” bomb.

There has already been a half-hearted attempt to launch a Scud missile so hopefully, the rebels do not, once again find themselves on the receiving end, should Gaddafi supporters decide to surprise them.

Luckily, the BBC’s John Simpson has finally arrived in Libya – so all should be well. We don’t yet know whether he travelled across the desert with the Tuaregs or whether he is wearing the customary tea-towel on his head but after hearing of his exploits in Afghanistan, it’s possible. He’ll know what to do.

Meanwhile the next battle that  into which new Libyan Prime Minister Mahmoud Jibril will have to lead his people will be the rather unedifying soon-to-be-fought campaign for Libyan reconstruction.

The cue for the Western  invasion is the phrase “Humanitarian Catastrophe”. Look out for that one.

p.s. The politicians appear to be surprised by the fact that, in spite of the announcement that the war in Libya  had been won, the fighting appears to be continuing. Just like Iraq.


There appear to be more and more self-appointed “GURUS”  on the Internet:  Finance Guru, Lifestyle Guru, Management Guru….the list is endless.

I used to be one of those but luckily managed to extract my head from my ass before it was too late.

Please don’t do it.

I now prefer the more modest “Messiah”.


Yesterday, I was listening to the BBC World Service when I was surprised to hear  a presenter use the word “Asyla” as a plural of Asylum. WTF? People who do that are nothing but pretentious scrota.

World Finance

Tomorrow, if Ben Bernanke announces that the Fed is going to print yet more “empty” dollars, he will be introducing yet more inflation into the US economy. Markets will recommence their downward slide and investors will all rush-off  in the direction of the  Bullion Markets.

If however,  there is no further printing of dollars and QE3 does not happen, the likelihood is that the American economy will collapse as investors all rush off in the direction of the Bullion Markets.

Either way, gold is the safest bet.

Meanwhile in Germany, Chancellor Angela Merkel is also between a rock and a hard place. If she agrees to fully support lame-duck Euro economies through the issue of the Euro Bond – so that countries such as Greece are able to enjoy unlimited credit at reasonable rates, she risks a rebellion back home from the Christian Democratic Party as well as from an electorate which does not wish to donate any more to broken Euro economies.

However, if there is no mechanism to support poorer Euro states, the Euro could collapse, together with the German economy.

By the way, it is time to start worrying about the world’s Stock Markets. Starting tomorrow.

Liberal Party

Today, Liberals are UP(!) 4% in the latest opinion poll. Does that mean that there may be a change of plan in Nick Clegg being handed a sexy European Parliament  job as a consolation prize after the 2015 General Election?

In response to emails concerning my dog…

I am sick and tired of receiving questions about my dog who mauled an illegal immigrant, two rappers, a hoodie-looter with hanging-past-the-crack tracksuit bottoms , three Sub-continent customer service clerks speaking broken English, one Member of Parliament, two policemen, three flag burners and a  taxi driver.


Those Swiss!

Press release from HM Treasury: http://bit.ly/oIgJbo

GCSE Results

Record results! Congratulations kids – another record year. You must have worked SOOO hard.

Here’s something for the cleverer ones to colour-in:

How to…………….


There has always been an insatiable craving for advice on quick fixes to situations which we encounter in our daily lives. There is no other explanation for the ever-accelerating sales of “How to…” books. The very first in the field was Dale Carnegie’s “How to win friends and influence people”. The demand for Benjamin Spock’s tome on baby care – a sort of baby Haynes Manual    sold millions. There was even a book called “How to succeed in business without really trying”! This genre is the pulp non-fiction of real life.

Nowhere is the nuisance more rampant than in the domain of management. Those strutting and recording in the collonaded corridors of academia or in the money-scented troughs of corporo-land are in a particularly desperate situation. Once they start, they cannot finish. The new Messiahs need disciples and the disciples crave more honeyed management words.

The `Publish or Perish’ syndrome leaves them with no other choice than to be seen to be churning out something or other merely to justify their upkeep and maintain their reputation. Regrettably, because every possible concept has been worked to the death, they have to  constantly pour old wine into new bottles. The original recyclers – constantly re-bottling  pretentious piffle and insipid inanities.

Darwin would have been proud. For instance – many moons ago we had to provide Customer Care, then we had Customer Satisfaction, then we had Service Excellence  which was quickly followed by the creation of Customer Delight. I suppose that next, we will have to screw them and induce Customer Orgasm.

An article in the Wall Street Journal called  `Don’t get hammered by management fads’, says that an estimated 10,000 business books have been published worldwide in the last three years. Most of the books trumpeted management ”tools” guaranteed to make the user mega-successful in whatever he or she attempted.  There is no statistic which would show that many of these management books are bought but never read. Managers and aspiring managers buy these books as Executive Teddy Bears and file them in the hope that the alchemy within will be absorbed by the mystical process of management osmosis. Management by Ownership.

Recently, for instance, a monstrosity entitled “How to think like a CEO”, has sought to lure those fantasising about conquering the cliff face of Middle Management. They have fuzzy dreams of one day  perching on some high corporate peak  .

This book, in common with 90% of the entire market is strictly “Aphorism City”. These are some of the trite homilies that it contains: Be gutsy, even a little wild, modest and in control. Be competitive and tenacious, flexible and generous. Admit mistakes. Be self-secure, self-reliant, resilient and constantly self-improving. Be original, straightforward, and think before you speak or act.

Does that not take your breath away! Straight from the Ministry of the Bleedin’ Obvious. 

Some authors try another approach. They repackage the same stale ideas in the name of some ancient unheard-of bearded sage, thereby reaping a double dividend: Giving a new glitter to well-worn clichés by putting them in the mouth of some venerable ancient whose authenticity is often unverifiable and simultaneously exhibiting their own erudition and diligence by exploring the past.

About 3,000 years ago, in the ancient settlement of Harbin, there lived the Daoist sage called Szech-Taibong.  He was not-only a great thinker but also a benefactor, and the ancient equivalent of our modern entrepreneur. This man had it all! He said something all those years ago which still holds good to this day and should be taught in all management schools. His little-studied philosophy would make all currently written management books obsolete Here’s what he said:  Know people. Handle them kindly. Deploy them properly but within their knowledge. Be far-sighted. Anticipate and overcome threats because in anticipating they will be overcome before they happen. Exploit opportunities. Communicate effectively but always try to be result-oriented and generous to your opponents.

Nothing particularly exciting but easily on a par with everything else written in the last 50 years.

You haven’t heard of Szech-Taibong from Harbin?

That’s because I made it all up. Beware of false prophets!