Tag Archives: Government

Government Strategies For A Dead Horse

I have been studying the decision-making and initiative delivery record of Theresa May’s government and as far as I can see, she manages by delivering statements of intent , plus a very clever device which appears to be problem-solving action but in fact, is totally meaningless.

It begins with three words: “We have allocated…..”  This phrase is followed by a large number.

Grenfell? “We have allocated……….”
NHS? “We have allocated…..”

This muddly and often protracted management method can be explained by analogy and the wisdom of those without PPE degrees, MBAs and other letters after their names.

The well-known and slightly modified analogy below should also be studied carefully by the real experts in dead horse flogging – Tory High Command –  especially when choosing Party leaders.

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from one generation to another is that if you find yourself riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

However, in modern government, because of the heavy
investment and re-election factors to be taken into consideration, other strategies
need to be tried with dead horses, including the following:

1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Threatening the horse with termination.
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
6. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
7. Appointing an intervention team to re-animate the dead horse.
8. Creating a training session to increase riding ability.
9. Re-classifying the dead horse as living-impaired.
10. Change the form so that it reads: “This horse is not dead.”
11. Hire outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
12. Harness several dead horses together for increased speed.
13. Donate the dead horse to a recognized charity, thereby deducting its
full original cost.
14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse’s performance.
15. Do a time management study to see if the lighter riders would improve
productivity.
16. Purchase an after-market product to make dead horses run faster.
17. Declare that a dead horse has lower overheads, is therefore more-cost-effective and therefore performs better.
18. Form a quality focus group to find profitable uses for dead horses.
19. Rewrite the expected performance requirements for horses.
20. Say things like, “This is the way we have always ridden this horse.”
21. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.
22. Comparing the state of dead horses in today’s environment.
23. Declaring that “No horse is too dead to beat.”
24. Do a Cost Analysis study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.
25. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory or Ministerial position.
26. Create a government subsidy to retrain dead horses
27. Appoint a dead-horse ‘Czar’ in order to return to 4 (above).
28. ‘Allocate’ a large amount of money so that the dead-horse goes away.
29. Highlight the shameful historical treatment of dead horses by the Opposition in an attempt to win the dead-horse argument.

Sack the f*****s!!

I heartily endorse Vince Cable (above) and his moan about the government’s latest bit of displacement activity which is that employers can get rid of employees without necessarily having to give good reason.

However, there’s a condition: The law has to be extended to include Members of Parliament.

Don’t these politicians know ANYTHING about commerce and the workplace?

Sorry! Silly question.

Let’s burn some money!

“Joker burning money”

The Prime Minister has announced a £1 billion energy package that could help households across the UK save more than £300 a year on their energy bills.

Speaking at a Downing Street press conference, Mr Brown said the Government will legislate to channel £910 million from energy companies into energy-saving initiatives such as providing loft insulation and cavity wall insulation free of charge to elderly and low-income households and at a 50 percent discount to others.

Cash will also be pumped into a new Community Energy Saving Programme that will provide up to 90,000 homes with targeted advice on improving their energy efficiency and reducing their bills.

The Prime Minister said he did not expect energy companies to pass these costs back to consumers through future prices. Business Secretary John Hutton added that the Government “will not hesitate to intervene” should an Ofgem review suggest that consumers were getting a raw deal.

Mr Brown said the Home Energy Saving Programme would help drive “lasting change” in UK energy efficiency and consumption. Environment Secretary Hilary Benn, also at the press conference, said that each household could save £100 through loft installation and £150 through cavity wall installation in just 12 months.

Other Government plans to help people with their fuel bills include negotiating lower tariffs with energy companies for up to 600,000 homes, increasing cold weather payments from £8.50 to £25 per week in severe conditions and providing cash on top of Winter Fuel payments to the over-60s and over-80s of £50 and £100 respectively.

In common with all other Government initiatives it would be of great benefit and interest to people if they had an indication of how much of the allocated funds would actually be spent on the materials and how much on labour costs.

For instance, when the Government says that it is spending an additional £20 million on education  – that could mean any number of things. It could mean more teachers or it could mean lots of electronic blackboards. It could mean more books or it could mean a lick of paint.

Every £1000 spent on loft insulation could mean either 100 lofts insulated at £10 each or possibly one loft at £100, i.e £10 for the insulating material and £90 for labour charges by the local council.

90,000 homes are to be provided with ” targetted advice on improving their energy efficiency and reducing their bills”. Does that mean leaflets? Home visits by several more sub-strata of public servant?

Has the Government thought this one through as thoroughly as all the other initiatives?

Oh what’s this?

Sorry, no thanks. It’s too late…… Siobhain McDonagh?  Nope. Don’t recall the name. I seem to recall a Junior Whip by that name – but that was a long time ago…..Yesterday, I think.” (Thinks) “I wonder what else is heading for the fan? “