Tag Archives: Daily Mail

Tried “Hotlegging”?


Give pees a chance

Pissing in public has always been a great student sport. Shop doorways, car parks, lifts, telephone boxes, graveyards and many other quiet venues  have had their fair share. The secret is to do it discreetly and quickly.

However Philip Laing,  a 19-year-old student not only urinated over a poppy-wreath which happened to be on a war memorial but he was photographed doing it. His mum must be so proud – especially  as the photo was plastered over several newspapers. Needless to say, he has been charged by the police and has already been up before the beak.  

“The image of your urinating over the poppy wreath on the war memorial in this city will make most turn away in disgust, shock and sadness,” said District Judge Anthony Browne.

“It has undoubtedly distressed and upset many. The war memorial is a sacred and a special place.”

A contrite Laing, appeared in the dock wearing a poppy (bad advice!) and pleaded guilty to outraging public decency. The photographic evidence suggests that he did not have much choice in the plea department!! Technically, however, it was the moron who sent the photograph to the Daily Mail who really  outraged public decency. The Daily Mail then put the photo up on its website, so that even more people could be outraged. Nice work! 

The judge adjourned sentencing for reports, saying all options including custody, were open.

In mitigation, Laing’s lawyer said that the student  had drunk a bottle of whisky before attending an organised student drinking session and had no recollection of what had happened. Mind you, he was standing, had managed to undo his trousers and his aim appeared quite good.

The court was told,  “The disgusting and reprehensible act the defendant carried out was in no way premeditated, targeted or politically motivated,”  and  “His actions were sadly the result of having consumed large amounts of alcohol.”

Let us all hope that the poor boy is not banged-up or that his parents ( he’s a student) will not be fined too much. He appears to have been punished enough by the publicity and ridicule.

Unfortunately, we are in the uber-emotional body-bag induced throes of  soldier worship as a result of current military escapades; so pissing on a war-memorial may not have been the best move. Let’s hope that the judge remembers his own student days.

Laing was released on bail until the next hearing on November 26.



I’ve just been reminded of the old football-terrace sport of “hot-legging”. This sport was very popular  until all-seater football stadia were introduced – especially in Scotland. 

When attending a football match, it was a mystery to the uninitiated as to why so many spectators carried newspapers into the football ground. In actual fact, the newspaper was an essential piece of equipment, especially if you had been in the pub immediately prior to the game.

When you had the urge to pee and you were standing on an overcrowded terrace, it was a simple matter of discreetly rolling up the newspaper,  putting the far-end of the rolled-up newspaper into the coat pocket of the person immediately in front of you and directing your stream of pee into the other end of the newspaper.

Quite easy unless your team scored and the person in front of you suddenly started to jump up and down. Very painful (so I’m told). After a few minutes, as your efforts soaked through the lining of his overcoat, your victim would begin to experience “hot leg”.

Ah…. the good old days.

Bonfire Night

Lewes in East Sussex is the epicentre of bonfire and firework-related activities in the United KIngdom. Tens of thousands of enthusiasts of all nationalities pile into the town to watch the torchlit processions organised by all of the county’s Bonfire Societies.  Then, after the processions, it’s off to the various giant bonfires which are distributed around the outskirts of the town. It’s a fabulous evening with a really “safe” carnival atmosphere – only ever ruined by the OTT police presence. They do their best but most of them appear to be imported plod who don’t really want to be there.

And tomorrow? A thin pall of smoke will hang over the town as volunteers clean up the streets of tons of the most amazing mixture of debris – everything from bottles and cans, burger boxes, spent fireworks, burnt-out torches as well as the odd reveller. The vast bonfires will be still producing a surprising amount of heat but they too are tamped down as the town begins to plan next year’s bonfire night.

I love the smell of baked hedgehog in the morning.

Selina Scott – The Dark Night.

winner.jpg “Michael Winner and Old Dear”

The Selina Scott femino-ageist issue is still burning – the latest flaming arrow having been fired by the Patron Saint of Ego – his Esureness , Michael Winner.

Winner’s motives as ever, are suspect – probably something to do with not having been breast-fed.

QUOTE from Winner : “There’s nothing sadder than a bunch of unemployable has-beens rising up like the witches in Macbeth and moaning ITV is unfair to us because we’re old”

Winner should know all about witches – have you seen some of his girlfriends? Or perhaps he was referring to the Daily Mail’s editorial staff.

At least it will get attention-seeking Michael on the telly and a slot on Jeremy Vine’s Radio 2 show.

The whole “Selinagate” affair is being treated with a little too much levity so let’s be serious for a moment. 

Are female News presenters like peaches in a bag? Do they all exhibit the inroads of time at the same age? Do they all succumb simultaneously  to the career-dissolution fairy? 

There is something vaguely fascistic about the  media dictum:  “They shall not grow old” – on the telly anyway.

There are many old dears scribbling away and bashing their Remingtons on national newspapers: Sue Caroll, Susanne Moore, Carole Malone, Janet Street-Porter, Lauren Booth, Judy Finnegan and Vanessa Feltz to mention just eight.

These venerable old boilers even have their airbrushed photographs published and occasionally, they are wheeled-out in front of the telly cameras for the odd interview. So in spite of the smell of wee and Steradent, these old crumblies are not regarded as too disgusting for an occasional airing before a patient but gagging audience.

“Double Standard” is a mantra regularly hissed by these geriatro-lovelies.

Well, m’dears, you cannot have your gateau and eat it – even after you have picked out the odd stray facial hair.

Most media old dears scribble a lot of anti-man stuff – unless they go for the occasional toy-boy piece which is usually a bit of a piss-take anyway. Rarely do we see an article which is appreciative of men.  Their favourite subject is “women”.  Dare one use the word “sexist”?

Old men write about issues – such as politics, the law, the world. They also write about trivial stuff such as  cars, travel and football. Plus, they tend to be very appreciative of women. Very little female-negative content.

Why are so many Media “Grand Dams” either single or in frivolous “toy-boy” relationships? Are proper mature relationships not for them? Is it because they are so disdainful of men?

Perhaps it is not just the men who run the telly that don’t want them.

So that’s the sexist bit out of the way. What about the age thing?

Career-ageism is only a problem if ambition is still simmering.

It is not so long ago that this type of ageism did not exist because ambition died at about the age of 50 – as did most of the population. If you survived beyond 50 then by the age of 60, you were ready for your place in the Glue Factory queue.

Both ageism, racism and now sexism are so deeply embedded in the British psyche that they cannot be eradicated through law or legislation. They can only be killed by time because our sociological development is lagging about 1000 years behind our social development.

Sexism and ageism are both  cultural phenomena rooted very firmly in the formerly divergent roles of the sexes and ages.

These roles have only started to converge comparatively recently but what has developed over hundreds of thousands of years cannot and will not be undone by the odd court case.

A couple of years ago, Nick Ross resigned from Crimewatch amid allegations of ageism.

At least Selina Scott has the added bonus of her sex to beat people up with.