The first episode of my 2014 predictions has already been published and can be found HERE.
Below are my final predictions for the year and contain some extrapolations based on the government’s current air-brained and totally unrealistic attitude which is largely based on surveys and statistical “facts” – usually NOT based on a statistically significant time-span.
However, one has to admit that there are other predictions which are based in hope rather than fact!! See if you can spot the ones which are totally ridiculous!
And PLEASE don’t accuse me of being silly! They started it!
1. Chancellor Gideon Osborne will be awarded the Nobel Prize for Economics.
2. President Bashar al-Assad will win the Nobel peace Prize, in tandem with Tony Blair….for services to Syria and Iraq respectively.
3. The British Economy will recover and outgrow China.
4. British banks will lend money to SMEs WITHOUT blackmailing (for themselves) large chunks of equity participation.
5. There will be NO tax give-aways in the lead-up to the next General Election.
6. The French economy will recover and outstrip that of Germany.
7. Angela Merkel will become engaged to Sylvio Berlusconi.
8. Compulsory Bulgarian and Romanian will be taught in English schools.
9. Education Secretary, Michael Gove will stop interfering in the United Kingdom’s education system.
10. David Cameron will fire a Cabinet Minister for being a useless prat.
11. Banks will have completed the “Rebuilding of Balance Sheets”.
12. A thick person from the lower orders will win the X-factor.
13. Pope Benedict will ask for his old job back.
14. Economics journalists will start to write articles in easily-understood English so that EVERYONE understands what they are talking about – even those without an Oxbridge PPE degree!
15. More 65-plus Media and Arts perverts will be brought to book.
16. Manchester United will win the Premier League.
17. Heather Mills wins 2014 Sports personality of the Year.
18. The FTSE 100 will cross 7500. Or 4500! (It all depends on money-printing policy)
19. Yvette Copper will become Labour Leader and Theresa May will lead the Conservative Party into the next General Election.
20. David Attenborough will locate and identify The Big Society (and its bank).
21. Coalition Politicians will stop saying “The Mess THEY left behind” and “Difficult Decisions”.
22. David Cameron will keep talking about renegotiating the UK’s membership of the EU.
23. Richard Dawkins will prove conclusively, the existence of Godociety – with the former being the most likely!.
24. The Coalition Government will stop using the word “percentage” or “percent” in every other sentence.
25. Chancellor Gideon will get rid of his Caligula haircut.
26. Ed Miliband will say something intelligent and produce some economic policies
27. Dennis Rodman will be appointed Chief of Staff of the North Korean Army.
28. A well-known former PR man and art collector will have an arse transplant – but it will reject him.
29. President Obama will DO something and Boris Johnson will stop talking bollocks.
30. The HS2 toy train project will become a very long runway.
31. There will be no further bank mis-selling scandals – and I certainly won’t tell that interest on your bank CREDITS is calculated from the day AFTER the deposit, whereas the interest on Withdrawals is debited immediately.
32. UK property prices will continue to increase For Ever! Capital Gain without end!
33. There will be no further Westminster expenses scandals.
34. UKIP leader, Nigel Farage will be quiet, dignified, restrained and statesmanlike after the UKIP gains in European Elections.
35. Iain Duncan-Smith will say “Sorry!”to all the innocent people he has wronged. Hopefully, just before he collects his P45.
(I am NOT a Global Warming mullah but the image above shows all the world’s water and air to scale.)