Monday September 7th 2009-Friday September 18th 2009

Friday September 18th 2009 

  • There has been some concern that Romell Broom may have suffered mental anguish when two Ohio State officials failed to find a vein in order to deliver a fatal injection. According to Broom’s lawyer, Broom had suffered both “mental and physical injuries” and apparently became distressed and appeared to cry. Broom was convicted of raping and then killing a 14 year-old girl.
  • We’re too fat, we drink too much alcohol, we’re unfit, we ingest female hormones in our meat  and weedkillers from our vegetables and we’re too stressed. Paradoxically, our life expectancy is increasing.
  • Alistair Darling is engaged in a series of meetings in order to decide where spending cuts can be made. If you’re expecting decisions within the next few months – stop being so silly. Although professional pundits do now have the opportunity to make pointless predictions.

  • Andy Burnham is suggesting yet more NHS changes. The God of Change strikes again! This month’s idea is that we will all be able to choose our GP. I would like one that’s qualified, understands human anatomy and is sober.

  • Baroness Scotland should know that in a Court of Law, ignorance is no defence. Mind you, the Baroness is the Attorney General. Hopefully, hiring someone called Loloahi Tapui(clue!) with out-of-date papers was just an oversight and as such, does not generate a witch-hunt. Oh yes – there’s an enquiry. There’s always a feckin’ enquiry.

  • Suddenly, Jordan doesn’t want to talk about “the rape”. It seems that her PR people are running out of interesting stories. The only remaining possbilities are either  ” I was abused as a child” or “I was abducted by aliens”.

  • Bit of a “to-do” about  unofficial sperm donors. Apparently, ladies can contact a sperm donor  on-line, arrange a meeting and either be handed a container-full of the stuff or on occasion have it delivered direct through the medium of sex. Hence the phrase : “”Bottled or draught?”  Sounds like an excellent service as well as an interesting career move, although it could mess-up the old CV, especially if the CV is printed on a sheet of Kleenex. Just realised that if this type of work is a career, the phrase “hand job” begins to make sense.

  • How would the management at Student Loans UK feel if they were told that because of administrative incompetence, their September salaries will be paid at the end of October. They would probably be quite upset. Next question: How do young kids with the incredible stress associated with leaving home feel-when they’re told by Student Loans UK that their University grants will be paid “about” four weeks late? Why is the beginning of the academic year ALWAYS a surprise? For the record and to help Student Loans UK: The next academic year will be starting in October 2010. Hopefully, that’s enough notice.

  • Scientists at Newcastle University have produced human sperm in the laboratory. Didn’t know that there was a shortage. Just take a chipping hammer to any Confessional carpet.

  • Gordon Brown said today “Cooperation between nations at the G20 summit will be crucial to ensure global economic recovery”  That is probably the twentieth version of the same sentence . It is a truism and it’s boring. Here’s another sentence which I hope Gordon finds as interesting as his own deep thoughts: ” The sun is in the sky”

  • Here is a quote from this evening’s No 10 bulletin: “The Prime Minister is launching a brand new podcast series this week talking directly to you about the big issues of the day. The podcasts, which will be available on our iTunes channel andonYouTube, will be recorded at Downing Street or around the world when the Prime Minister is travelling.”  Wow! That Gordon Brown is so “street”  -using that Interwebthingytoconnectwith the YouTube dudes. Way to go, MC Gordo! Soon,  he’ll be buying a pair of those really cool Levi Strauss blue denim casual trousers with the turn-ups, copper rivets and the little red label. Sound! Should go well with the black brogues.

  • Remember what I told you about the American dollar going into freefall. Soon.

 
 

 

Thursday September 17th 2009 

  • AFKAJ (Artist Formerly Known as Jordan) has sensationally claimed that she was raped by a well-known celebrity but she refuses to name him. If there is a rapist on the loose, it is her moral DUTY to divulge his name – if only to protect his next victim. Or is her PR machine running out of salacious crap to feed to the red-tops? Currently many are thinking Option B. 
  • Another Barrister-benefit as two idiots are acquitted of plotting  to murder teachers and pupils in a Columbine-style massacre. The CPS thought that some phone-video of a couple of exploding fireworks and a few inane pikey ramblings from our heroes were enough to justify prosecution. The two real Columbine psychos had an arsenal of weapons and explosives whereas these two had nothing. We now have two more famous idiots and a barrister in a silly hat who made sure that he too achieved his 15 minutes of fame.
  • The new scheme designed to check whether or not individuals are a danger to childen appears to have overlooked one very fundamental fact. Not all paedophiles have a criminal record.
  • Did you know that 400 Lehman Brothers employees have been retained by administrators to help with the wind-up of the company? Apparently the wind-up will take up to 10 years. That’s one hell of a wind-up!
  • Ballot papers for a national strike are being sent to Post Office Union members. I hope that they manage to get them in the post before it’s too late.
  • The only thing worth mentioning today on the financial front is the fact that major economies such as China are about to start dumping the dollar. Prepare to see the dollar plummet in value. Very soon, the dollar is very likely to lose its status as the world’s reserve currency. Within 12 months there will be  a new global reserve currency and it will be Chinese. All the up-and-coming ecnomies are seeking independence from the dollar. Even if the Fed stops printing dollars tomorrow, it is too late. When the dollar collapse does happen, keep a sharp eye on share prices.

Wednesday September 16th 2009  

  • An undersea cable has been laid which will provide high-speed Broadband in East Africa. The cost of this service in Kenya will be approximately $1500 per annum. The average annual Kenyan wage is $800.  Kenya is currently suffering from massive food shortages. It’s all a question of priorities.
  • 450 jobs to go at Derby City Council. Good to see a Local Authority withthecouragetomakecuts. One of the fundamental issues with the UK economy is that there are too many non-productive jobs – that is jobs which add nothing to the economy. The so-called Cost-Centres. Just look at the City of London: Analysts, Advisers, Accountants, Professional bodies etc etc. These are all populated by individuals who add nothing to the economy but cost. The ultimate example  of a cost centre is the Local Authority. They were OK when they were run by a bunch of local “importants” who worked solely for the good of the community. However, in recent years, Local Authorities have adopted the Westminster model with loads of political posturing, a Cabinet and what is effectively a local Civil Service which ultimately becomes as self-serving as it is community-serving. Well done Derby.
  • The Conservatives are going to win the next General Election. I think that we’ve all accepted that – including Gordon Brown. That is why George Osborne and David Cameron should not become involved in a peeing contest with Gordon Brown. Both sides should learn that it is perfectly OK for any Party to change its mind. Gordon Brown has changed his mind on Public Spending. That’s OK. The bonus for the Conservatives is that he (as usual) has made such a pig’s ear of it. Any further point-scoring is superfluous.
  • The Liberals are asking Gordon Brown to give details on where the proposed Public Spending are to be made. New Labour does not deal in facts. Stop wasting your time boys.
  • The Conservatives have promised to stop the United Kingdom’s ever-accelerating descent into becoming a 24-hour surveillance society. One of the most contentious issues is that of DNA sampling. Alan Johnson , the Home Seccretary says: “The cases of criminals like Kensley Larrier andAbdul Azaddemonstratethatweneedtoretaininformationon the DNA database.”   Those cases demonstrate that crimes can be solved solved with the help of the DNA database. Hundreds more cases were also solved without the DNA option.
  • Former American President Jimmy Carter says that much of the current abuse aimed at President Obama, as a result of his proposed health reforms is based in racism andthatAmericastillhasnot come to terms with having a black President. No surprises there. Obama’s health reforms appear to be aimed at poor people – they are the ones who cannot always afford medical treatment. The majority of the “poor group” is immigrant and black. The U.S Senate is institutionally racist and it should come as no surprise that Obama is being given such a rough ride. The cradle of American racism was ( andstillis) to be found in the Southern States- for example Georgia. Jimmy Carter was Governor of Georgia 1971-75.
  • Unemployment is now 2.47 million in the UK.  That takes the official jobless rate to 7.9%. In the 16-24 age group, unemployment is 20%. The REAL figures are very likely well in excess of the published numbers although Unemployment Benefit is being claimed by only 1.61 million people. Work and Pensions Secretary, Yvette Cooper, said the government was “targeting investment” to help young people find jobs. Whatever that means. Probably more government-sponsored training courses or subsidised work experience. Measures designed to keep a lid on the unemployment stats. Job creation and company expansion achieved through persuading banks to lend money to business at reasonable rates evidently hasn’t worked.
  • Leaked Treasury figures, Ministers refusing to give straight answers to simple questions. Gordon Brown’s criticsm of the Tories and labelling them as the “Party of cuts” as opposed to Labour ,”the Party of investment” all looks a bit hollow this evening. The Tory Press slavering  and hastily convened meetings on both sides. Don’t you just love politics?

 

GORDON BROWN – an exercise in empty rhetoric?

 

Below are two snippets from Gordon Brown’s “speech” to the TUC. Political or economic promises should contain at least two out of the  three following parameters: QUALITY (How good or What is it going to achieve) , QUANTITY (How much , How many) and TIME (When and How long). Basically, WHAT you are going to do and WHEN you are going to do it.

We are doing the right thing to make sure that for the future as we move into a full recovery we will invest and grow within sustainable public finances – cutting costs where we can, ensuring efficiency where it’s needed, agreeing realistic public sector pay settlements throughout, selling off the unproductive assets we don’t need to pay for the services we do need.” 

 ”We are demanding that internationally we look at setting limits on city bonuses”.

As usual, lots of words but TOTALLY lacking substance. For a minute there, we thought that he was going to DO something.

Gordon Brown is truly Vallium in a suit or…….the Downing Street condom on the dick of New Labour.   

Tuesday September 15th 2009 

  • Have you noticed how the spotlight is gradually shifting from Gordon Brown to the Dark Lord Mandelson? Who IS running the place?
  • The Ecoli outbreak at Godstone Farm. There are probably 50,000 who have been exposed to the bug. The owner should NOT have waited to be told by DEFRA when to close doors. They should have done it after the first case. Let’s hope it wasn’t a triumph of greed over customer (especially CHILD) welfare.
  • Happy British Lehman Day to everyone. It is a year since we saw crowds of people leaving the London offices clutching cardboard boxes. Price Waterhousesaidthattherewasno cash. They did not deal in cash – only “pretend” borrowed money which, in reality did not exist anyway. Apparently, the whole thing will take another 10 years (yes!) to unravel.
  • Barack Obama has talked about “complacency” in the banking sector but he is yet another leader who has only talked in vague generalities. Lovely rhetoric but little substance – unlike our own Gordon Brown who does not allow ANY rhetoric to cloud his own personal total  lack of substance.
  • Gordon Brown is delivering a speech to the TUC today. It is reported that he will be using the “c-word”. When he talks about Government “cuts” – it will not be a typing error.
  • Keith Floyd has died and gone to that big claret-bucket in the sky. He was a great man and will be missed . In a recent TV programme, all the new chefs were lining up to sing his praises and when they had finished their obsequious gushing and had exhausted the hyperboles, the interviewer asked Keith “Keith, what do you think of the new generation of TV chefs?”  He didn’t need much thinking time: “They’re a load of c***s.” he replied. Eloquent AND accurate to the last!
  • Government approved Shooting Galleries for smackheads. Excellent idea. Can we please also have similar clinics for alcohol addiction,  sex addiction, cocaine addiction and anything else that takes our collective fancy? Why have the smackheads been singled out? There’s never anything for normal sane people.
  • Zaidi released after serving just part of his sentence for throwing shoes at George Bush. Now he claims that he was tortured. Two things : Don’t throw shoes and no-one cares. Let anonymity re-embrace you.  The Western equivalent of throwing your shoes at someone is spitting at them – but without the Pythonesque overtones. He still does not see the fact that from George Bush down, it was all seen as a bit of a joke! A grenade mighthave ben taken a bit more seriously but… a shoe!!!? Unless it was a political product placement episode by Lobbs, Gucci or Church’s, we will never understand it.
  • Gordon Brown has been accused by Vince Cable (and others) of talking only in generalities. The fact is that there is absolutely no point in Brown making any long-term political plans – let alone launching projects which may  take months or years to implement. Time is fast running out and he is now looing at his watch. Actually, he has probably moved on from looking at his watch and shaking it. Right now, he is probably hitting it.

Monday September 14th 2009 

  • Happy U.S Lehman Day to everyone.It is exactly one year go today that the banking solids hit the air coditioning. There are more to come. Spygun is still predicting another downward adjustment
  • President Lula da Silva of Brazil has said : “The Rich Countries knew how to give their opinion about everything related to the economy of the developing countries but when they felt the pain, they did not know how to act.” Wise words. The Western economies have thrown imaginary money at the problem but the underlying system and regulation remain the same. The one fundamental lesson that still has not been learned is the fact that unbridled Stock Exchange speculation ALWAYS leads to a collapse – especially when the speculation is fuelled by borrowed money.
  • Many European Banks have been allowed to remain in denial about their massive debts. The main culprits appear to be France and Germany. More banks will unravel and that will have a very profund effect on markets – as will the rapidly accelerating pan-global unemployment rate. Predictions of civil unrest are probably accurate.
  • Another one of our soldiers has been shot in Helmand Province.The soldier was from 2nd Battalion The Lancashire Regiment and that makes 214 in total. The bunting in Wootton Bassett must be up permanently these days. The medal ceremonies and the 15 minutes of fame for the dead and their families does not compensate.
  • Just so we remember – British troops went to Afghanistan in November 2001 as part of an American-led invasion in the wake of the 9/11 attacks. The goal was to topple the Taliban because the Americans were (understandably)  pissed-off and immediate action was needed. They did topple the Taliban and now are wasting their time and being killed. The current objective is to install democracy and to help the Afghans to achieve political stability. It’s not working and it will NOT work. The initial brief to “topple” the Taliban has now developed into “shoot” Taliban. It is a hopeless cause and the Union Jack-draped coffins will continue to be paraded through Wootton Bassett for years to come. Our soldiers are NOT fighting “for their country”. They are fighting for someone else’s country. The ONLY solution is to talk to the Taliban and to give them some representation at government level. That’s democracy.
  • There’s an old political trick which ensures that whatever bad news the government has –  is pushed off he front pages and a pointless public and media debate is started. The dispropportinate arrangements concerning adults who have regular contact with children is a case in point. “11 mllion people will have to be vetted!” scream the headlines. It won’t happen. Then the authorities will think-up another contentious debating issue designed to distract us from the fact that HMS United Kingdom is badly holed and sinking – and the Gordon Brown Band plays on.
  • At the risk of appearing cynical, medal ceremonies are suddenly achieving headline status. It seems that the Army (or should I say polticians) are actively searching for “heroes”.  Soon they will be decorating soldiers who cut themselves shaving – as long as it’s in Helmand Province. The current soldier-to-medal ratio is suspiciously high – but on the plus side, there are more grab’n’shake opportunties for the politicians. There’s nothing more heartwarming as a good honest “Tommy” having his brave tattooed  hand pumped by a politician who’s making sure that the camera is pointing at his “best side”.
  • Does anyone know what the British Government is going to do about regulating the Financial Services Idustry?  More meetings?
  • Here’s another free idea re bankers’ bonuses: Legislate so that only 20% of a bonus is paid. Defer the rest for 12 months and then if the payment is still justified – pay it. Vague talk of “Clawback” is notenough because here is not a single bank with proper clawback arangements yet in place.  
  • Ernst and Young have said that the current modest rise in the housing market is a “false dawn”. I said exactly the same thing two months ago. It’s very simple. If there are fewer house on the market, the law of Supply and Demand dictates that prices wll achieve a modest increase in value.
  • “Are Public Spending cuts inevitable?”is a currently popular question among the politicos. The answer is “Yes.” Lord “Darth” Mandelsonistaking increasingly long breaks from building his Death Star and gradually conditioning the electorate to the fact that certain services will be sold-off in order to raise cash. A further raid on the family silver. So where are the candidates? For starters, there are a few palaces and castles here and there which the Hilton Group has probably been daydreaming about. The NHS? Bits of the NHS? They wouldn’t DARE! Would they?
  • There is one major problem in the City, that until solved, will result in meltownaftermeltdowninfuture years. We can’t predict if the meltdown gremlins will hit every 2,3, 5 or 10 years. But we can say with certainty that it will happen again. Why? Because Risk and Reward have been decoupled and there is now every reason for Investment Bank CEOstoencouragetheir screen monkeys to take whatever risk they wish. By the same token, if you are a hedge fundmanagerand you have put away enough personal cash to walk away comfortably , there is no reason not to  make high risk investments at every opportunity. Is there a down-side?  You may be asked to leave with a £10million (or more) severance package and maybe a little bad publcity and/or embarrassment. Would you be willing to be embarrassed for £10 million? Me too.

Sunday September 13th 2009 

  • Chancellor Alistair Darling has said the government will have to “cut costs” and”shift resources to the front line” to deal with the recession’s effects. He said “hard choices” included looking at selling off “non-essential public sector assets” and shifting resources to “where they are needed most”. He also said that the government was prepared to make the “tough choices necessary” while continuing to build a “fair society”. He is going to create a fairer society in under 8 months! We hope that The Guinness World Record people have been alerted. This should be good! This will  set a new record for the biggest volume of political bullshit contained in a single pararaph. Apart that is, from the last Labour Party manifesto 
  • Strictly Come Politics: “The chemistry is extraordinary between the two of them. It’s totally electric. It’s all he can do to somehow keep himself in check.  He’s telling everyone “She’s a top girl who is absolutely irresistible.” Gordon Brown has always admired Harriet. Seriously though. Brendan shagged Natasha. Will there be an action replay betweem Joe andKristina? Who cares? Looks like Max Clifford’s head of steam with Jordan is losing pressure so Strictly Come Dancing is the new autumn project
  • Looks as if Jo Wood has joined the other “hurt” ex-wives (Remember Sheryl Gascgoine and Julia Carling) who are so upset by their ex-husbands’ shenanigans that they cannot bear to be parted from their surnames.
  • AFKAJ (Artist formerly known as Jordan) says: “I’m like a swan. Serene an calm on top but underneth the water I’m padding like hell”.  As we suspected – not an original thought or quote in sight. Max-you’re losing your touch. Anyway, who says that she’s calm and serene when she’s on top? 

Saturday September 12th 2009

  • Reports from Libya say that Megrahi’s medical condition is deteriorating and worsening. Hopefully this is goodnews for the Americans. President Obama who expressed his “disappointment ” at Megrahi’s early release from Scottish custody should be chuffed to bits..
  • Zimbabwe talking to the EU? Possible lifting of sanctions? I didn’t even realise that Zimbabwe had oil! The IMF is handing Zimbabwe $400 million. I bet that there’s at least one Swiss Bank looking forward to the transfer.
  • Derren Brown’s Lotto prediction. Am I the only one who A. Does not care and B. Thinks that Brown is a tosser. Must be something in the surname.
  • There was a time when military medals were for heroes and for military service. The Elizabeth Cross has changed all that. We are now decorating widows. Citation: ” We needlessly sent your husband to Afghanistan  with a load of other under-equipped soldiers and he got blown up. Sorry about that.”
  • The Royal British Legion has accepted a donation from the BNP. Nothing wrong with that. Members of the Legion used to shoot foreigners and the BNP would like to. Two sides of the same coin.
  • A study has recently shown that there is the same link between early death and poverty as there was 100 years ago. Another snippet from the Ministry of the Bleedin’ Obvious.

Friday September 11th 2009

  • Another cover-up from the Government. The so-called Phoenix 4 have been asked by Darth Mandelson to “reflect”. Just what he said to Fred Goodwin. The Phoenix 4 had not only paid BMW just £10  for MG Rover but also received £75 million from BMW as a “sweetener”.That was in 2000. By the time the company collapsed in 2005, the Phoenix 4had been paid a total of £42 million – it would have been £75 million had the company remained solvent. Since then, the Government has spent over £16 million on an enquiry and now Mandelson is making sanctimonious noises in their direction – presumably expecting them to pay some money back. The Government should have bailed-out MG Rover in the first place. More Labour ineptitude and buck-passing. Mandelsonhas even threatened to ban them from ever being Company Directors again. With over £10 million “in the bin” each – I bet they’re terrified!
  • Sandra the cheetah has today beaten Bolt’s 100m world record – by a long way. She ran the distance in 6.13 seconds. Here’s an idea: Smear Bolt in cat food, give him a 5-metre start and let Sandra loose. Bolt will probably not only beat the 100m record but all other records up-to and including the marathon.
  • The Student Finance people appear to be in chaos again. Here in the UK, the beginning of the University year is like SNOW. We know that it’s going to happen but we also know that we’re not going to be able to cope. Nevertheless, good luck to them. Matters are not always helped by the students. A University acquaintance told me that he had a call from a lady asking him why she was being asked to pay all her accommodation costs in advance. ” Because you are an International Student. It is our policy. Anyway, where were you born?” She answered ” Hampshire” He then asked. ” Where is your family home?” “Hampshire, ” was the reply. ” Do you have a British passport?” “Yes I do,” she said. “Why did you apply as a Foreign student then?” asked the increasingly exasperated University Bursar. ” I was in Paris when I completed the form.”

Monday September 7th 2009

  • Americans give IRA money. IRA does its shopping in Libya. Americans give IRA more money. IRA blows-up Brits. Who owes who compensation?
  • Gaddafi’s son has backed Gordon Brown. The Taliban probably back him.  His own Party should take notice and back him as well

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thursday September 17th 2009 

  • AFKAJ (Artist Formerly Known as Jordan) has sensationally claimed that she was raped by a well-known celebrity but she refuses to name him. If there is a rapist on the loose, it is her moral DUTY to divulge his name – if only to protect his next victim. Or is her PR machine running out of salacious crap to feed to the red-tops? Currently many are thinking Option B. 
  • Another Barrister-benefit as two idiots are acquitted of plotting  to murder teachers and pupils in a Columbine-style massacre. The CPS thought that some phone-video of a couple of exploding fireworks and a few inane pikey ramblings from our heroes were enough to justify prosecution. The two real Columbine psychos had an arsenal of weapons and explosives whereas these two had nothing. We now have two more famous idiots and a barrister in a silly hat who made sure that he too achieved his 15 minutes of fame.
  • The new scheme designed to check whether or not individuals are a danger to childen appears to have overlooked one very fundamental fact. Not all paedophiles have a criminal record.
  • Did you know that 400 Lehman Brothers employees have been retained by administrators to help with the wind-up of the company? Apparently the wind-up will take up to 10 years. That’s one hell of a wind-up!
  • Ballot papers for a national strike are being sent to Post Office Union members. I hope that they manage to get them in the post before it’s too late.
  • The only thing worth mentioning today on the financial front is the fact that major economies such as China are about to start dumping the dollar. Prepare to see the dollar plummet in value. Very soon, the dollar is very likely to lose its status as the world’s reserve currency. Within 12 months there will be  a new global reserve currency and it will be Chinese. All the up-and-coming ecnomies are seeking independence from the dollar. Even if the Fed stops printing dollars tomorrow, it is too late. When the dollar collapse does happen, keep a sharp eye on share prices.

Wednesday September 16th 2009  

  • An undersea cable has been laid which will provide high-speed Broadband in East Africa. The cost of this service in Kenya will be approximately $1500 per annum. The average annual Kenyan wage is $800.  Kenya is currently suffering from massive food shortages. It’s all a question of priorities.
  • 450 jobs to go at Derby City Council. Good to see a Local Authority withthecouragetomakecuts. One of the fundamental issues with the UK economy is that there are too many non-productive jobs – that is jobs which add nothing to the economy. The so-called Cost-Centres. Just look at the City of London: Analysts, Advisers, Accountants, Professional bodies etc etc. These are all populated by individuals who add nothing to the economy but cost. The ultimate example  of a cost centre is the Local Authority. They were OK when they were run by a bunch of local “importants” who worked solely for the good of the community. However, in recent years, Local Authorities have adopted the Westminster model with loads of political posturing, a Cabinet and what is effectively a local Civil Service which ultimately becomes as self-serving as it is community-serving. Well done Derby.
  • The Conservatives are going to win the next General Election. I think that we’ve all accepted that – including Gordon Brown. That is why George Osborne and David Cameron should not become involved in a peeing contest with Gordon Brown. Both sides should learn that it is perfectly OK for any Party to change its mind. Gordon Brown has changed his mind on Public Spending. That’s OK. The bonus for the Conservatives is that he (as usual) has made such a pig’s ear of it. Any further point-scoring is superfluous.
  • The Liberals are asking Gordon Brown to give details on where the proposed Public Spending are to be made. New Labour does not deal in facts. Stop wasting your time boys.
  • The Conservatives have promised to stop the United Kingdom’s ever-accelerating descent into becoming a 24-hour surveillance society. One of the most contentious issues is that of DNA sampling. Alan Johnson , the Home Seccretary says: “The cases of criminals like Kensley Larrier andAbdul Azaddemonstratethatweneedtoretaininformationon the DNA database.”   Those cases demonstrate that crimes can be solved solved with the help of the DNA database. Hundreds more cases were also solved without the DNA option.
  • Former American President Jimmy Carter says that much of the current abuse aimed at President Obama, as a result of his proposed health reforms is based in racism andthatAmericastillhasnot come to terms with having a black President. No surprises there. Obama’s health reforms appear to be aimed at poor people – they are the ones who cannot always afford medical treatment. The majority of the “poor group” is immigrant and black. The U.S Senate is institutionally racist and it should come as no surprise that Obama is being given such a rough ride. The cradle of American racism was ( andstillis) to be found in the Southern States- for example Georgia. Jimmy Carter was Governor of Georgia 1971-75.
  • Unemployment is now 2.47 million in the UK.  That takes the official jobless rate to 7.9%. In the 16-24 age group, unemployment is 20%. The REAL figures are very likely well in excess of the published numbers although Unemployment Benefit is being claimed by only 1.61 million people. Work and Pensions Secretary, Yvette Cooper, said the government was “targeting investment” to help young people find jobs. Whatever that means. Probably more government-sponsored training courses or subsidised work experience. Measures designed to keep a lid on the unemployment stats. Job creation and company expansion achieved through persuading banks to lend money to business at reasonable rates evidently hasn’t worked.
  • Leaked Treasury figures, Ministers refusing to give straight answers to simple questions. Gordon Brown’s criticsm of the Tories and labelling them as the “Party of cuts” as opposed to Labour ,”the Party of investment” all looks a bit hollow this evening. The Tory Press slavering  and hastily convened meetings on both sides. Don’t you just love politics?

 

GORDON BROWN – an exercise in empty rhetoric?

 

Below are two snippets from Gordon Brown’s “speech” to the TUC. Political or economic promises should contain at least two out of the  three following parameters: QUALITY (How good or What is it going to achieve) , QUANTITY (How much , How many) and TIME (When and How long). Basically, WHAT you are going to do and WHEN you are going to do it.

We are doing the right thing to make sure that for the future as we move into a full recovery we will invest and grow within sustainable public finances – cutting costs where we can, ensuring efficiency where it’s needed, agreeing realistic public sector pay settlements throughout, selling off the unproductive assets we don’t need to pay for the services we do need.” 

 ”We are demanding that internationally we look at setting limits on city bonuses”.

As usual, lots of words but TOTALLY lacking substance. For a minute there, we thought that he was going to DO something.

Gordon Brown is truly Vallium in a suit or…….the Downing Street condom on the dick of New Labour.   

Tuesday September 15th 2009 

  • Have you noticed how the spotlight is gradually shifting from Gordon Brown to the Dark Lord Mandelson? Who IS running the place?
  • The Ecoli outbreak at Godstone Farm. There are probably 50,000 who have been exposed to the bug. The owner should NOT have waited to be told by DEFRA when to close doors. They should have done it after the first case. Let’s hope it wasn’t a triumph of greed over customer (especially CHILD) welfare.
  • Happy British Lehman Day to everyone. It is a year since we saw crowds of people leaving the London offices clutching cardboard boxes. Price Waterhousesaidthattherewasno cash. They did not deal in cash – only “pretend” borrowed money which, in reality did not exist anyway. Apparently, the whole thing will take another 10 years (yes!) to unravel.
  • Barack Obama has talked about “complacency” in the banking sector but he is yet another leader who has only talked in vague generalities. Lovely rhetoric but little substance – unlike our own Gordon Brown who does not allow ANY rhetoric to cloud his own personal total  lack of substance.
  • Gordon Brown is delivering a speech to the TUC today. It is reported that he will be using the “c-word”. When he talks about Government “cuts” – it will not be a typing error.
  • Keith Floyd has died and gone to that big claret-bucket in the sky. He was a great man and will be missed . In a recent TV programme, all the new chefs were lining up to sing his praises and when they had finished their obsequious gushing and had exhausted the hyperboles, the interviewer asked Keith “Keith, what do you think of the new generation of TV chefs?”  He didn’t need much thinking time: “They’re a load of c***s.” he replied. Eloquent AND accurate to the last!
  • Government approved Shooting Galleries for smackheads. Excellent idea. Can we please also have similar clinics for alcohol addiction,  sex addiction, cocaine addiction and anything else that takes our collective fancy? Why have the smackheads been singled out? There’s never anything for normal sane people.
  • Zaidi released after serving just part of his sentence for throwing shoes at George Bush. Now he claims that he was tortured. Two things : Don’t throw shoes and no-one cares. Let anonymity re-embrace you.  The Western equivalent of throwing your shoes at someone is spitting at them – but without the Pythonesque overtones. He still does not see the fact that from George Bush down, it was all seen as a bit of a joke! A grenade mighthave ben taken a bit more seriously but… a shoe!!!? Unless it was a political product placement episode by Lobbs, Gucci or Church’s, we will never understand it.
  • Gordon Brown has been accused by Vince Cable (and others) of talking only in generalities. The fact is that there is absolutely no point in Brown making any long-term political plans – let alone launching projects which may  take months or years to implement. Time is fast running out and he is now looing at his watch. Actually, he has probably moved on from looking at his watch and shaking it. Right now, he is probably hitting it.

Monday September 14th 2009 

  • Happy U.S Lehman Day to everyone.It is exactly one year go today that the banking solids hit the air coditioning. There are more to come. Spygun is still predicting another downward adjustment
  • President Lula da Silva of Brazil has said : “The Rich Countries knew how to give their opinion about everything related to the economy of the developing countries but when they felt the pain, they did not know how to act.” Wise words. The Western economies have thrown imaginary money at the problem but the underlying system and regulation remain the same. The one fundamental lesson that still has not been learned is the fact that unbridled Stock Exchange speculation ALWAYS leads to a collapse – especially when the speculation is fuelled by borrowed money.
  • Many European Banks have been allowed to remain in denial about their massive debts. The main culprits appear to be France and Germany. More banks will unravel and that will have a very profund effect on markets – as will the rapidly accelerating pan-global unemployment rate. Predictions of civil unrest are probably accurate.
  • Another one of our soldiers has been shot in Helmand Province.The soldier was from 2nd Battalion The Lancashire Regiment and that makes 214 in total. The bunting in Wootton Bassett must be up permanently these days. The medal ceremonies and the 15 minutes of fame for the dead and their families does not compensate.
  • Just so we remember – British troops went to Afghanistan in November 2001 as part of an American-led invasion in the wake of the 9/11 attacks. The goal was to topple the Taliban because the Americans were (understandably)  pissed-off and immediate action was needed. They did topple the Taliban and now are wasting their time and being killed. The current objective is to install democracy and to help the Afghans to achieve political stability. It’s not working and it will NOT work. The initial brief to “topple” the Taliban has now developed into “shoot” Taliban. It is a hopeless cause and the Union Jack-draped coffins will continue to be paraded through Wootton Bassett for years to come. Our soldiers are NOT fighting “for their country”. They are fighting for someone else’s country. The ONLY solution is to talk to the Taliban and to give them some representation at government level. That’s democracy.
  • There’s an old political trick which ensures that whatever bad news the government has –  is pushed off he front pages and a pointless public and media debate is started. The dispropportinate arrangements concerning adults who have regular contact with children is a case in point. “11 mllion people will have to be vetted!” scream the headlines. It won’t happen. Then the authorities will think-up another contentious debating issue designed to distract us from the fact that HMS United Kingdom is badly holed and sinking – and the Gordon Brown Band plays on.
  • At the risk of appearing cynical, medal ceremonies are suddenly achieving headline status. It seems that the Army (or should I say polticians) are actively searching for “heroes”.  Soon they will be decorating soldiers who cut themselves shaving – as long as it’s in Helmand Province. The current soldier-to-medal ratio is suspiciously high – but on the plus side, there are more grab’n’shake opportunties for the politicians. There’s nothing more heartwarming as a good honest “Tommy” having his brave tattooed  hand pumped by a politician who’s making sure that the camera is pointing at his “best side”.
  • Does anyone know what the British Government is going to do about regulating the Financial Services Idustry?  More meetings?
  • Here’s another free idea re bankers’ bonuses: Legislate so that only 20% of a bonus is paid. Defer the rest for 12 months and then if the payment is still justified – pay it. Vague talk of “Clawback” is notenough because here is not a single bank with proper clawback arangements yet in place.  
  • Ernst and Young have said that the current modest rise in the housing market is a “false dawn”. I said exactly the same thing two months ago. It’s very simple. If there are fewer house on the market, the law of Supply and Demand dictates that prices wll achieve a modest increase in value.
  • “Are Public Spending cuts inevitable?”is a currently popular question among the politicos. The answer is “Yes.” Lord “Darth” Mandelsonistaking increasingly long breaks from building his Death Star and gradually conditioning the electorate to the fact that certain services will be sold-off in order to raise cash. A further raid on the family silver. So where are the candidates? For starters, there are a few palaces and castles here and there which the Hilton Group has probably been daydreaming about. The NHS? Bits of the NHS? They wouldn’t DARE! Would they?
  • There is one major problem in the City, that until solved, will result in meltownaftermeltdowninfuture years. We can’t predict if the meltdown gremlins will hit every 2,3, 5 or 10 years. But we can say with certainty that it will happen again. Why? Because Risk and Reward have been decoupled and there is now every reason for Investment Bank CEOstoencouragetheir screen monkeys to take whatever risk they wish. By the same token, if you are a hedge fundmanagerand you have put away enough personal cash to walk away comfortably , there is no reason not to  make high risk investments at every opportunity. Is there a down-side?  You may be asked to leave with a £10million (or more) severance package and maybe a little bad publcity and/or embarrassment. Would you be willing to be embarrassed for £10 million? Me too.

Sunday September 13th 2009 

  • Chancellor Alistair Darling has said the government will have to “cut costs” and”shift resources to the front line” to deal with the recession’s effects. He said “hard choices” included looking at selling off “non-essential public sector assets” and shifting resources to “where they are needed most”. He also said that the government was prepared to make the “tough choices necessary” while continuing to build a “fair society”. He is going to create a fairer society in under 8 months! We hope that The Guinness World Record people have been alerted. This should be good! This will  set a new record for the biggest volume of political bullshit contained in a single pararaph. Apart that is, from the last Labour Party manifesto 
  • Strictly Come Politics: “The chemistry is extraordinary between the two of them. It’s totally electric. It’s all he can do to somehow keep himself in check.  He’s telling everyone “She’s a top girl who is absolutely irresistible.” Gordon Brown has always admired Harriet. Seriously though. Brendan shagged Natasha. Will there be an action replay betweem Joe andKristina? Who cares? Looks like Max Clifford’s head of steam with Jordan is losing pressure so Strictly Come Dancing is the new autumn project
  • Looks as if Jo Wood has joined the other “hurt” ex-wives (Remember Sheryl Gascgoine and Julia Carling) who are so upset by their ex-husbands’ shenanigans that they cannot bear to be parted from their surnames.
  • AFKAJ (Artist formerly known as Jordan) says: “I’m like a swan. Serene an calm on top but underneth the water I’m padding like hell”.  As we suspected – not an original thought or quote in sight. Max-you’re losing your touch. Anyway, who says that she’s calm and serene when she’s on top? 

Saturday September 12th 2009

  • Reports from Libya say that Megrahi’s medical condition is deteriorating and worsening. Hopefully this is goodnews for the Americans. President Obama who expressed his “disappointment ” at Megrahi’s early release from Scottish custody should be chuffed to bits..
  • Zimbabwe talking to the EU? Possible lifting of sanctions? I didn’t even realise that Zimbabwe had oil! The IMF is handing Zimbabwe $400 million. I bet that there’s at least one Swiss Bank looking forward to the transfer.
  • Derren Brown’s Lotto prediction. Am I the only one who A. Does not care and B. Thinks that Brown is a tosser. Must be something in the surname.
  • There was a time when military medals were for heroes and for military service. The Elizabeth Cross has changed all that. We are now decorating widows. Citation: ” We needlessly sent your husband to Afghanistan  with a load of other under-equipped soldiers and he got blown up. Sorry about that.”
  • The Royal British Legion has accepted a donation from the BNP. Nothing wrong with that. Members of the Legion used to shoot foreigners and the BNP would like to. Two sides of the same coin.
  • A study has recently shown that there is the same link between early death and poverty as there was 100 years ago. Another snippet from the Ministry of the Bleedin’ Obvious.

Friday September 11th 2009

  • Another cover-up from the Government. The so-called Phoenix 4 have been asked by Darth Mandelson to “reflect”. Just what he said to Fred Goodwin. The Phoenix 4 had not only paid BMW just £10  for MG Rover but also received £75 million from BMW as a “sweetener”.That was in 2000. By the time the company collapsed in 2005, the Phoenix 4had been paid a total of £42 million – it would have been £75 million had the company remained solvent. Since then, the Government has spent over £16 million on an enquiry and now Mandelson is making sanctimonious noises in their direction – presumably expecting them to pay some money back. The Government should have bailed-out MG Rover in the first place. More Labour ineptitude and buck-passing. Mandelsonhas even threatened to ban them from ever being Company Directors again. With over £10 million “in the bin” each – I bet they’re terrified!
  • Sandra the cheetah has today beaten Bolt’s 100m world record – by a long way. She ran the distance in 6.13 seconds. Here’s an idea: Smear Bolt in cat food, give him a 5-metre start and let Sandra loose. Bolt will probably not only beat the 100m record but all other records up-to and including the marathon.
  • The Student Finance people appear to be in chaos again. Here in the UK, the beginning of the University year is like SNOW. We know that it’s going to happen but we also know that we’re not going to be able to cope. Nevertheless, good luck to them. Matters are not always helped by the students. A University acquaintance told me that he had a call from a lady asking him why she was being asked to pay all her accommodation costs in advance. ” Because you are an International Student. It is our policy. Anyway, where were you born?” She answered ” Hampshire” He then asked. ” Where is your family home?” “Hampshire, ” was the reply. ” Do you have a British passport?” “Yes I do,” she said. “Why did you apply as a Foreign student then?” asked the increasingly exasperated University Bursar. ” I was in Paris when I completed the form.”

Monday September 7th 2009

  • Americans give IRA money. IRA does its shopping in Libya. Americans give IRA more money. IRA blows-up Brits. Who owes who compensation?
  • Gaddafi’s son has backed Gordon Brown. The Taliban probably back him.  His own Party should take notice and back him as well

 

 

 

 

 

 

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