John Terry – white c***

Apologies if you find what I’ve written below offensive but I find both racism and moronic soccer players offensive.

John Terry allegedly called Anton Ferdinand, brother of Rio Ferdinand who replaced Terry as England captain, after Terry been shagging someone’s wife, a  “fucking b***k cunt”.

Of course, Terry claims that he has never aimed a racist remark at any b***k cunt but nevertheless still finds himself in deep water.

However, if he finds himself in real trouble, perhaps he can ask Wayne Bridge for a character reference.

The alleged phrase which Terry aimed at Ferdinand has only one unacceptable word (B***K).

Neither Anton nor Rio appear to object to the other two words used by Terry, possibly on the grounds of accuracy.

Bizarrely, had he omitted the colour reference, Terry would probably be in the clear and the whole episode would have been considered no more than  normal footballer banter – even though the phrase would have blown at least 25% of Terry’s vocabulary in one instant.

Furthermore, on consulting the Dulux colour chart, it seems that Terry’s assertion was chromatologically inaccurate anyway!

Hopefully, if found guilty, Terry will be stripped of both captaincies and sentenced to several days in a sun-bed.

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