“I make you da offer you can understand”
John Terry gave the game away after the full-time whistle was blown when he and his team-mates were putting together their staged “let’s form a team circle” stunt.
They were celebrating a 1-0 defeat of the Slovenians who are from a tiny country with a population 2 million and a first division of ten teams, formed as recently as 1991.
Did you notice Terry (who seems to have forgotten that he has been relieved of the England captaincy) formed a small huddle with several other players and was waving at others to join the circle in a show of “ersatz” camaraderie and “teamship”.
During the game, commentators appeared to be creaming themselves and breaking open the hyperboles at machine gun speed whilst their grammar deteriorated back to normal. The footie-hysteria had well and truly returned and the country once again lost touch with reality.
Meanwhile, Defoe scored after a cross bounced off his shin at point-blank range, “captain” Gerrard carried the jolly air of an undertaker’s apprentice with Aids, Terry made too many mistakes and Rooney looked lumbering and unfit with a face like a trodden-on anaemic blood orange.
“Postman Pat” Capello strutted the line gurning in Italian and treating us to a show of arm-waving which looked like Roman semaphore – probably the best way for him to communicate. Who recorded his Linguaphone lessons? Chico Marx? “To winner yew needa da goal.”
This is from the Marx Brothers Duck Soup. Is this where Capello found his “inpiratione”?
Wednesday we went to the ball game, he fool us and no show up.
Thursday he go to the ball game, but we fool him and we no show up.
Friday it was a double header, nobody show up.
Let’s hope everyone shows up on Sunday. We need you for the penalties.
…..and with profound apologies:
Stuart Pearce: “That kind of play we should eliminate.”
Fabio: “Atsa fine. I’ll have a nice cold glassa liminate.”