Category Archives: Brexit

It was Cameron wot done it!

 

There is a very important question which no-one is asking: “Why did David Cameron’s government do nothing about Britain’s Exit from the European Union?”

All that Cameron managed to achieve was several months in a very fetching  hard hat/high- viz jacket combo, doom-mongering whilst being ably assisted by his sidekick Chancellor Osborne. Gideon’s job was to spout highly coloured statistics and fictitious numbers which were designed to frighten the country’s lame brains (Britthicks). The gruesome twosome were convinced that we would vote to remain within the European Union rather than seek independence and remove ourselves from beneath the velvet jackboot of Brussels bureaucracy.

In fact  ‘remainers’ Dave and Gideon adopted exactly the same tactics as those who were promulgating our exit. They too lied and treated us to even more outrageous comedy statistics….but the Brexiteers had xenophobia on their side, coupled to the electorate’s rabid dislike of the Cameron-Osborne double-act.

The referendum result achieved something that many of us could only dream of. It was the sight of Cameron’s rapidly disappearing flabby backside as he headed for the hills because he could not cope with the bitter taste and shame of defeat. His own hubris had shown him the door.

That and the fact that he knew the game was up because he had not even considered that the British public would vote for Brexit.

Consequently he had failed to prepare for the eventuality of us leaving the EU and….. as the very model of a modern fair weather manager….. he had to go.

The Conservative Party then launched into the process of choosing a new leader – an operation that had been manifestly unsuccessful since 1990 when John Major became the  compromise leader  – and that was only because Hesteltine had too many enemies and had shown the sort of burning ambition that only ‘new money’ is brazen enough to exhibit.

John Major was a bit ‘flattered’ as an election winner and leader, purely because the Islwyn Prattler, Neil Kinnock  was the very scary Labour alternative. That situation lasted until 1997 when Tony Blair arrived to create the new ‘socialist’ Camelot.

Subsequent Conservative leadership elections are far too depressing to describe in any detail but here is the list of who they chose: William Hague, Iain Duncan-Smith, Michael Howard….followed by  Cameron in 2005. He is noted for not having been able to win an overall Conservative majority until the 2015 General Election. That majority was 12  – and that was with the terminally gauche Ed Miliband as Labour leader!

Once Cameron saw that the British people had voted to exit the EU, we were treated to a hissy fit and his resignation  –  with the added bonus of Gideon flouncing off in the direction of the Evening Standard. That created another shambolic leadership election with candidates who were all eminently suited to fight a Parish Council election but this was for the leadership of the once-great Conservative Party!

Enter Theresa May and her advisers.

As they watched the Labour Party begin its once-a-generation process of digesting itself from the inside, followed by the election of a truly hopeless leader, Mrs May was advised by her (former) advisers to announce a snap-election in June 2017.

She managed to negatively optimise (lose) Cameron’s majority of 12 and convert it into a hung parliament…..and she was allowed to get away with it because as usual, there was no obvious successor. (There never is.)

Since then, we have been waiting for another General Election but unfortunately before that can happen, the Conservative Party has to launch the next leadership battle.

All the obvious candidates are in the Lords, dead, sectioned or in prison ….so the likelihood is that the next Conservative leader will once again be a Home Counties lame duck with an imminent sell-by date …….and because the vast majority of MPs are terrified by the prospect of an election, the cycle of incompetence and excuses looks set to continue ad infinitum.

That’s a crippling shame because it is today, during probably the most sieismic sideways shift in British History, we need a leader …………….and I don’t mean Boris, Gove or even the power behind the drone –  Sarah Vine.

It is an age where Plutocratic Incompetocracy has become the norm and the current  abysmal standard of MP suggests that it is here to stay.

 

Government Strategies For A Dead Horse

I have been studying the decision-making and initiative delivery record of Theresa May’s government and as far as I can see, she manages by delivering statements of intent , plus a very clever device which appears to be problem-solving action but in fact, is totally meaningless.

It begins with three words: “We have allocated…..”  This phrase is followed by a large number.

Grenfell? “We have allocated……….”
NHS? “We have allocated…..”

This muddly and often protracted management method can be explained by analogy and the wisdom of those without PPE degrees, MBAs and other letters after their names.

The well-known and slightly modified analogy below should also be studied carefully by the real experts in dead horse flogging – Tory High Command –  especially when choosing Party leaders.

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from one generation to another is that if you find yourself riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

However, in modern government, because of the heavy
investment and re-election factors to be taken into consideration, other strategies
need to be tried with dead horses, including the following:

1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Threatening the horse with termination.
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
6. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
7. Appointing an intervention team to re-animate the dead horse.
8. Creating a training session to increase riding ability.
9. Re-classifying the dead horse as living-impaired.
10. Change the form so that it reads: “This horse is not dead.”
11. Hire outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
12. Harness several dead horses together for increased speed.
13. Donate the dead horse to a recognized charity, thereby deducting its
full original cost.
14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse’s performance.
15. Do a time management study to see if the lighter riders would improve
productivity.
16. Purchase an after-market product to make dead horses run faster.
17. Declare that a dead horse has lower overheads, is therefore more-cost-effective and therefore performs better.
18. Form a quality focus group to find profitable uses for dead horses.
19. Rewrite the expected performance requirements for horses.
20. Say things like, “This is the way we have always ridden this horse.”
21. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.
22. Comparing the state of dead horses in today’s environment.
23. Declaring that “No horse is too dead to beat.”
24. Do a Cost Analysis study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.
25. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory or Ministerial position.
26. Create a government subsidy to retrain dead horses
27. Appoint a dead-horse ‘Czar’ in order to return to 4 (above).
28. ‘Allocate’ a large amount of money so that the dead-horse goes away.
29. Highlight the shameful historical treatment of dead horses by the Opposition in an attempt to win the dead-horse argument.